Anonymous said: Hi, I'm going into my Junior year of high school in about a week, and this'll be the first year I'll be fully open with my genderfluidity, and I'd like to start going by my new name and pronouns (I only use one set and one name). I'd really like for my teachers to use them, too, but I'm nervous about asking. How should I go about asking them to use them? Should I ask at all?

Maybe before you start, you could send emails to your teachers saying something like “[polite fluff] On your paper I’m listed as [legal name], but I use the name [new name], and my pronouns are [pronouns], and I’d like you to call me those things instead. [polite fluff]”  Or you could go up to each teacher after/before class and say something similar.  Here’s another template.  Some teachers may be more amenable than others, and some may forget or “forget,” but it’s okay to ask.  I did.  Depending on where you live, it’s unlikely you’ll encounter outright hostility from your teachers in response, even if they don’t approve, but it’s always a possibility, and it’s something to be prepared for.  There’s no “should,” as unhelpful as that is—it’s a decision you have to make for yourself, based on your situation and needs.  Good luck!


Anonymous said: I see you guys give so much advice to everyone regardless of their always try to help and send resources if you don't have experience with it. And I see a constant theme that you tell people that they're normal, and okay, and absolutely loved and supported. I just love seeing all of your unconditional support, it makes me so happy! So thank you :)

Thank you!  I’m so glad :)


Anonymous said: hi! i wanted to ask if it's a bad thing for someone to switch their orientation around or their gender/pronouns or the name they go by a lot while trying to figure out what they are? i'm still figuring out all the terms and what feels nice for me, so i switch these around at times.

That’s perfectly okay.  It’s a good way to experiment and learn about yourself and figure things out.  


Anonymous said: I'm physically female with no room for doubt and I love dressing myself up and being girly. But inside my head, I'm all male, and these conflicting self-images are really taking a toll on me. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a man, AM a man, but I love being the woman me, too. I don't know what to do. Please help.

You can be a man and still feminine, still dress yourself up and be girly. Those things are okay.   Maybe you’re a femme trans man, or a trans man who enjoys crossdressing.  There are lots of other people like you.  You might find these links useful.


Anonymous said: Are we deceitful by nature? Rather like how many gays/lesbians IME distrust bisexuals (sad), are genderfluids presenting a fake façade? I feel more comfortable and empowered as a guy but exciting and alluring as a woman. When someone I was seeing saw both sides to me, she was disgusted. Not because of how I dress or my orientation or whatever, but beause she thought the radical changes in presentation made me fake. It stung to be called a deceitful fake, but I can almost see the validity.

Uh, no.  There’s nothing fake about being true to yourself.  There’s nothing fake about taking pleasure in your appearance and presentation.  There’s nothing fake about making choices regarding your presentation that make you most comfortable and happy.  It’s okay to have multiple facets.  It’s okay to be complicated.  I’m sorry someone treated you like that.


Anonymous said: I tend to wear pretty gender neutral clothing (Skinny jeans and a band top) and even onmy guy days I'm like the stereo type of a gay man and I love being that way but in someways it feels like I'm doing it wrong like I should be acting manly and people seem to jump to the conclusion that this is all for attention :(

Nah.  Do you however you want.  There’s definitely a lot of pressure to be super manly, if you’re a trans dfab person, but that’s not healthy, especially if that’s not who you are.  And it’s not who most people are.  Try to build yourself an environment as supportive and accepting as possible, and know that you are fine.


Anonymous said: Is anyone else sort of... Binary fluid? Not bigender, but usually you're one gender but you move around a bit on that side of the spectrum and nowhere else. Like I'm male usually but I shift around in the male end of things. Anyone else?

I don’t know.  Anyone?


Anonymous said: I know binding with ACE is very bad but what about something without the elastic. Are binders supposed to stretch?

Binders are generally compressive by nature, so yeah, they tend to be stretchy. Even the non-stretchy cheap ones have a bit of give in them because solid, unyielding fabric is not particularly safe (and as a result, non-stretchy binders need to be a bit looser than stretchy ones so you can breathe easy).

That said, it’s very much about listening to your own body. I nearly fainted the other day in a western elastic binder that is in fact a little bit too big for me, but I can wear the non-stretchy ones just fine (although those are, again, also a bit too big), and a lot of that is about what that sort of compressive pressure does to me. 

Listen to your body, and take more breaks than I did, and make sure you’re not only capable of breathing well but actually breathing well. 



Anonymous said: Whats a non binary trans?

Trans means you identify as a gender different than that assigned at birth.  Nonbinary means your gender is neither male nor female, exclusively at least.  As pretty much everyone is assigned at birth either male or female exclusively, basically all nonbinary people are trans unless they don’t feel comfortable identifying with that label.


strifesolutionstower said: Hello, I'm genderfluid. Um, but I've been introducing myself as Non-Binary Trans. I'm not sure if that's the best way to convey that I wan't to achieve, as a trans person, a look that can be easily altered into any part of the gender spectrum. Any tips? Ideas?

That’s probably fine.  Genderfluid people generally are nonbinary and trans, so it’s accurate anyway.  I mean, it’s an umbrella that can mean a lot of different things, and it’s also an identity label so won’t really convey desired presentation.

 If what you want to express in looking for a label is desired presentation, and it’s important to you to be specific about it, maybe you could say things like that you want a flexible or androgynous presentation, or something.

 Or you could just say what you said here, if you want to be sure you’re communicating what you want to achieve.


petiteelfqueen said: i'm not sure if this is the right place to ask about this. i'm dfab genderfluid and just recently came to terms with it. i'd really like to have shorter hair so i can look more masculine on days where i want to but also still look feminine when i want to. my hair would be very frizzy and poofy if i cut it that short, though, and i'm physically unable to use straighteners or hair-dryers on my own due to a disability. any suggestions for this?

It could look good short and frizzy, couldn’t it?  Or I suppose you could get it professionally permanently straightened, if you wanted to and had the money and all that? I have straight hair so I don’t know how much I can help here, but does anyone have any thoughts?


Anonymous said: im genderfluid, and i was really nervous to tell my gf about it. when I told her she said shes going to take a bit to get used to it because "I expected to get a gf but instead got 3-in-one. A gf, bf, and a nonbinary partner"

Well, that sounds hopeful? I think?  Good luck!