Name’s Fenchurch, that’s Fenny or Fen for short, I’m not picky, and I thought I’d say hi to you guys and stop sneaking around on anon. I switch between female and androgynous. I’m 15 and really boring in a vivacious sort of a way.
“First, there is no naturalized gendered body. All of our bodies are modified with regard to gender, whether we seek out surgery or take hormones or not. All of us engage in or have engaged in processes of gender body modification (diets, shaving, exercise regimes, clothing choices, vitamins, birth control. etc) that alter our bodies,
just as we’ve all been subjected to gender related processes that altered our bodies (being fed differently because of our gender, being given or denied proper medical care because of our gender, using dangerous products that are on the market only because of their relationship to gender norms, etc). The isolating of only some of these processes for critique, while ignoring others, is a classic exercise in domination. To see trans body alteration as participating and furthering binary gender, to put trans people’s gender practices under a microscope while maintaining blindness to more familiar and traditional, but no less active and important gender practices of non-trans people, is exactly what the transphobic medical establishment has always done.”—
This is exactly what I’m talking about when I talk about “body work” with students, and emphasize to them that most of our perceptions of physical sex differences are in fact socially constructed gender differences that require a great deal of work to maintain.
Hello! I don't know how much any of you know about this subject, but I was wondering about binding! I identify as male, but obviously boobs aren't easy to hide, especially if they're on the larger side.(DD) I own a Medium Double front compression shirt from Underworks, but it does not seem to do the job. Do any of you have any suggestions as to where i could purchase a binder that would work for me? Thank you so much!!
Our tags “Binders" and "binding" have lots of backenforth about this situation. Also, maybe someone will suggest something new to this post as a comment. How ‘bout it, genderfluents?
In response to taylorswiftisawinchester; think of it that way: When someone is bisexual, they are attracted to men and women (and maybe more but let's leave that aside for now). Now when they love someone of the opposite gender, do they become straight? No, they still are bisexual, even though their partner is the opposite gender. With genderfluidity it's very similar. I don't think we become cis, we are still fluid, just happen to be the gender we identify with at the moment.
do you consider yourself cis sometimes? like when your gender is matching your sex assigned at birth, do you consider yourself cis for that period of time? I'm having trouble personally because I like to think of it that I'm always genderfluid, and therefore not cis. My gender is not strictly cisgender. But at the same time, those times are cis times? I don't know.... i'm posing the question to anyone and everyone
My female days are extremely rare, so I’m not really in a place to answer this question! Followers?
Just came out to my roommate :) I told her I wasn't technically female anyway and she asked what all confused and I told her I identified as gender neutral and she was like oh and continued on her day like it was nothing! She seems fine with it and everything <3
Hey um I was wondering, do you guys know of any good support places for someone who is recently dealing with genderfluidity of some kind? Preferably online but anywhere would be great. Just been going through a tough time with some feelings and would appreciate some help.
You can always talk to me (klutzygeek on tumblr, kamikazeballoon on steam and twitter), or I’m sure some of our followers will be more than willing to chat.
Are there any other places that you know of, folks? I only know of vaguely regional ones, and universal online ones would be more useful.
Hi, I recently started IDing as genderfluid, and this may seem like a dumb question, but what is dysphoria and what is it like? I have a vague idea of what it is, but I don't know what exactly "counts" as dysphoria? I've been having a rough time lately because I feel like I'm very unattractive as a man, esp because of my weight, but I usually love my body. Is that dysphoria or something else? I tried looking it up but all I get is either too vague or a very narrow dictionary definition :/
Dysphoria is a lot of things, and manifests in a lot of ways!
I don’t get top dysphoria (re my breasts) at all, really, and bottom dysphoria (genitals) is rare for me, but while these are the most common and often the most debilitating forms of dysphoria, there’s a lot more to the things society links gender to than specific parts of our anatomy. A lot of other body-hating and behavior-hating and general misery about various aspects of ourselves can often, after transition or after moving into a healthier environment or on a “cis day”, be drastically reduced, and because this stuff seems to me to be related to gender-things not lining up the way they should, I’m comfortable with calling it dysphoria, or at least dysphoria-related, because that’s what dysphoria is: conflict over our gender identity relating to our circumstances (including our physical body).
It’s complicated. I have a lot of trauma-related and mental health issues, and it’s not actually possible for me to untangle having PTSD/DID and being genderqueer/asexual, as weird as that sounds? And I know a couple trans people for whom their transness and things like dysphoria or gender-non-conforming behavior are hard to completely splice away from their being autistic. Our headspaces are affected by lots of things that aren’t gender, but gender affects many of those things as well, and I’m not sure it’s possible to have a strict definition of what exactly dysphoria feels like and doesn’t feel like!
Do you have a master post on how to pass as neutral? That'd be a great resource as well!
i don’t think so, sorry! i’m happy to write up my own thoughts on it over the summer, but as a starting point it’s really important to remember that there’s not really such a thing as “passing” as neutral because passing inherently means that your gender doesn’t really get questioned or noticed, which would mean people instinctively class you as one of the genders they understand, likely a binary one.
as such, neutrality by contrast/juxtaposition is often more effective than neutrality by ambiguity. that is, y’know, wear a lacy petticoat over jeans and steel-toed boots; wear a tie with a dress and a binder; grow a beard or masculine sideburns but dye them pink; that kind of thing, as opposed to picking clothes which could arguably be from either side of the department store.
a lot of this mix-and-match depends on your body type and what you were assigned in its efficacy, of course. my partner would look ambiguous in a dress without a binder; i probably wouldn’t even if i did bind. so there’s a lot of work to do in “compensating” for the gendered aspects of your anatomy, or utilizing them to your benefit. make people confused! draw attention to confusing things, hide things which are giveaways under layers of strange.
i guess what i’m saying is that neutrality in the form of “wait what the fuck isthis person” tends to work better for me than neutrality in the form of “i guess this clothing is neutral”. apply gold leaf to your eyebrows! wear wings! pair camo cargo pants with a waistcoat and a floral trilby and false eyelashes! to keep people wondering, you’ve gotta get them wondering, y’know? a lot of my experience with appearing relatively neutral has meant i’ve had to suppress what i know about what colors or styles should go together with regard to the feminine pieces of clothing i’m wearing. wearing clothes in ways that just make no sense to people seems to highlight that my gender or the gender i’m performing with the way i dress is similarly subversive.
tl;dr: people tie gender in dressing to a lot of other things and confusing all of them will be more likely to offset the confusion of the one. if they’re staring at your neon pink suspenders-and-tutu combination they won’t think to ask whether you’re a boy or a girl or notice relevant gendered “tells” till long after they’ve passed you on the street.
if you find terms for queer identities confusing, arbitrary or unimportant then you’ve probably never had to experience how terrifying it is to not understand your own identity, or the relief of finding a term that helps describe you
i can’t opt out of gender because gender is a system that affects me and which i participate in whether i want to or not, but i definitely opt out of the idea that i have a true and immutable gender identity distinct from how i experience gender in a specific social context
A romantic comedy where a girl meets a guy and really likes him, then later on meets a girl she also likes and she is tearing herself up trying to choose between the two, only to find out in the end that they were the same, genderfluid, person
Hm. Thank you. I don't honestly know what I'm looking for, I just turned 18 and I don't know a lot about legal stuff and how often gender markers even matter, I've just heard that you can change them.
It honestly depends. In day-to-day life things like whether drivers’ licenses/ state IDs/whatever in your state have gender on them and whether your university or school provides the presumed gender of each student to the teacher/lecturer are most likely to be what matters most, because those are the ways in which people are most likely to come into contact with some “legal gender” of yours.
You can change most things in most states, but usually just to the other binary gender as far as I know. I’m not American, though, much less versed in anything other than the NZ legal system!
Do you know if any states in America have a neutral option for changing your legal gender marker? I'm sorry if this question seems dumb, but I'd like that a lot and I don't know how to find out, it seems really unlikely though.
No, I’m sorry!
Chances are, anon, that there’s no one “legal gender marker” anyway. For example, I can get X on my passport, here in NZ, but I can’t do the same for my birth certificate (there’s complicated allowances for intersex people for birth certificates, and not for passports, also). My driver’s license won’t display a gender, but the hidden gender field in the transport authority’s register will only take M or F. You get the idea.
It depends what gender marker you’re looking for, and where you are, as you can see! Followers, if any of you know any more specific details than that, please do help this anon out.
Cerazette is a synthetic progesterone pill, it's intended to be taken without rests and it stops periods for a good amount of people who take it, or, in the worst case, make them shorter and diminish bleeding. It usually have few secondary effects, if any. I take it and the only thing I notice is that I don't menstruate anymore.
I'm dfab non-binary, and I've come out to a few cis friends who have been incredibly supportive and respectful. However, I'm way too nervous to come out on my tumblr because I've seen a lot of backlash against "transtrenders" especially when they're dfab or not binary trans*. I feel so ridiculous for being more afraid of the trans* community than my cis friends, but here I am. This is more venting than asking for advice, but any words you can offer would be great
(little note: “binary trans” doesn’t need an asterisk, because, y’know, the asterisk was coined to make the term more explicitly inclusive of non-binary persons.)
Beyond that, as a DFAB non-binary person, I haven’t actually received any backlash personally, not on tumblr anyway. I don’t follow any “truscum” and I tend to block people who are leery of non-binary identities immediately. If you’re seeing a lot of this on your dash, maybe it’s time to blacklist it or prune your dash down? It can’t be easy being constantly exposed to it, and your anxiety is totally valid.
The backlash against (young) DFAB folk, esp. non-binary ones, comes from general misogyny/ageism/this entire ridiculous idea that “teenage girls come out/adopt identities like they change clothes and/or to rebel and spite their parents”, from what I can tell, and I think maybe I just don’t interact with people who feel like that about my demographic, so I could be sheltered even on here!
I find that as things stand, in the tumblr circles I move in, I’m only gonna get called out re my ignorance to the way transphobia affects other people more than it does me, as a relatively sheltered person, is if I say something that is cissexist or binarist or transmisogynist, or has overtones of such. And that’s perfectly reasonable, and if I ever get hate from “truscum”, I block and move on.
I know this is kind of harsh advice - it’s entirely probable you have Tumblr friends who are binarist and you don’t know it yet, and it would be absolutely awful if they reacted badly when you came out. But I’d like to think you’d find you have more support than you think you do! You’ll have a safe haven here, anyway, at the very least, and that’s all I can promise you.
Well after coming out as GF to my sister she turns around and tells me that she doesnt feel comfortable talking about such "personal things". That my interpretation of being a girl is a teenage boy's fantasy and an episode of Sex in the City. "Im happy that you chose to tell me but i dont want to hear anything more about it. No offense". Good thing she added "No offense" or else it might have hurt my feelings. Wish id never told her.
Ugh that’s really gross. I’m so sorry :/
I think a lot of it is that in the mainstream media being any sort of transgender, especially if you’re DMAB, is often hypersexualized, and she probably thinks it is a “sex thing”. It makes me really sad and really angry that society’s so far behind who we are.
Stop using ‘genderqueer’ to mean ‘DFAB’ and only including it in lists like ‘transmasculine, genderqueer, boi’. It also belongs on lists like ‘transfeminine, genderqueer, trans women’. Probably more-so on lists that don’t associate it at all with one binary category or the other (DFAB or DMAB).
Also, stop using ‘androgynous fashion’ to mean ‘DFAB and wearing menswear’. I mean, you probably look really cute in that blazer, but … yo. I look more androgynous when I wear earrings than when I don’t. I look more androgynous when I wear tight shirts or camis than when I don’t. I look more androgynous when I wear makeup than when I don’t.
When I wear a blazer, I look like a fucking dude.
Don’t universalize your specific narrative into a grand narrative. It erases folks.
i’ve received messages from DMAB people who aren’t sure if “genderqueer” is a word they can use. it is, and that it’s not is a misconception.
I feel like i might be genderfluid. But i don't know , because i've never tried dressing as male, instead of female. I want to try it becase i feel like i'l bette about myself ,but i'm scared of what family/friends/other people would say or do.
You can and may be genderfluid regardless of how you dress; nonetheless, maybe you’ll enjoy the experience if you give it a try one day in private. It can be your own secret if you want, or you can come out to select people eventually, not before you feel ready though!
This just rolled across my dash, and I figured it was worth sharing! If you are trans (“or if you love someone who is”) and need to hear a friendly voice over the holidays, email them and someone will call you.
I linked to the post rather than the direct link in case anyone wants to read comments or follow some of the blogs in the notes, but if for some reason that link breaks this is the original post and this links outside of tumblr.
So I just came out to my sister (well, as much as saying “I regret we couldnt be the sisters I always wished we could be” is considered coming out) and I really hope that she is upbeat and accepting about it rather than closed minded and hateful.
For those without insurance (like me): You might want to try Sprintec from Walmart. It's a low-dose pill that you can just take indefinitely. Each pack is $9, and it comes with 21 active pills. I've never had a problem with them, and they completely stopped my period. You can just skip the inactive sugar pills and start the next pack every three weeks. I have done some research and found that there is little to no harm in stopping your period this way.
(part 1) Nexplanon asker is back. This was just my personal experience with birth control pills. They did absolutely awful things for my mood and body. I was in no way trying to minimize anyone's experiences or say that they were less valid simply because mine was slightly different and caused by an awful case of unchecked hormone medications. Nor was I trying to imply that this is always the case with bc pills. I wanted to offer my point of view on bc pills, one that isn't commonly shared.
(part 2) If you think you’re having issues like this, please talk to your physician or gyno about it. Hormone-related birth control can be very damaging. Also, there is a pill form of the medication that’s in Nexplanon, for people who want to try that out. As with any other medication, everyone’s experiences are different. I was on Yaz (is that still a thing?) for a few years and then when I complained about heavy periods they put me on Sprintec. That helped the periods but worsened my moods.
Request for the anon who identified as genderqueer/ trans while on bc pills: do you know what the name of it was? I've been miserable with dysphoria lately and it may line up with when I started taking em.. thanks~
Just so people are aware: Nexplanon can make your period worse. Before I started pills I was pretty much on one week, off one week, on one week, etc. and it was hell.
Right, thank you for letting us know. I’ll make this clear: all hormonal birth control has different effects on different people. Do research, maybe try out less, uh, permanent forms before going IUDs or implants.
Look up Nexplanon. It stops periods completely in 1/3 of patients. They're expensive, but insurance might cover. They implant it in your arm and leave it for 3 years. I have 1 and it's fantastic. (disclaimer: this was *my* experience with bc pills, not speaking for everyone) I was on the pill for a long time and it changes the way you think significantly. I identified as genderqueer/trans* until I stopped taking it. I also had depression problems until I switched. Discuss options with your gyno
Are there medications that can take away my period without side effects of masculanization?
Most hormonal birth control will remove or minimize or regulate it in some form or other. Here’s a couple of examples:
Mirena (the hormonal IUD) is the one which will minimize it long-term with the least amount of hormones, as far as I know; I’m not a doctor, though, and the process of getting an IUD put in is, uh, dysphoria-inducing, to say the least.
Birth control pills normally allow for a placebo week every four or six weeks and you’d have your period then, but these days there are versions which don’t have placebo weeks or only have them very rarely (and, of course, if your doctor won’t prescribe them, you can - with research about your particular prescription and the potential impact of it - skip a placebo week here and there if you need to.)
Basically, uh, look at birth control. There will be side-effects for some people on them (and, again, do research), but they won’t be masculinization!
Identify however you feel comfortable! (And don’t be shy to ignore labels, or use more than one, or to change them if something else starts to feel better.) I felt the same way about not wanting to call myself “trans”, mostly because I haven’t dealt with the same struggles (especially before I started transitioning/coming out at all)- but I also know that one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with, ever, was finding an identity that felt good for the first time (genderfluid) and then having a few “girl days” and feeling like a poser. I felt better when I (had a few more ambiguous & “guyish” days and) accepted what I was reading about gender identity being a personal choice- not to argue that you’re not born with a certain gender (cis or binary trans or trans*), but that you get to define it however you want, so you’re never wrong, and you’re never faking.
For me, the first step was deciding if I wanted something “masculine” or “neutral.” I might be different, but I liked my old name. I thought it was a nice name. Just not for me. So I started by looking up various gendered relationships to my old name. Luckily, there was a gender-neutral “version.” One of my friends took a similar route and chose for his name a deviant of his birth name. So I think if you decide what gender relationships you want with your name, and how far you want to deviate from your old name, it gives you a good place to start.
hi there! im genderqueer (actually im genderfluid but i use that as a catchall term like u say) and i just wanted to tell u i love your blog
thank you!! If we mess up, do let us know - we’re both human and have p limited experiences and are likely to make mistakes or say things without thinking at some point or other. I’m glad our blog is a positive thing for you!
Hi. I looked at your FAQ but didn't see my question. What is the difference between genderqueer and genderfluid? I consider myself genderfluid as I certainly phase between two genders, but can certainly feel in between or neither. I thought genderqueer just meant nonbinary in a more general way, including trans.
Genderqueer can be a catchall for non-binary folk, but it’s also a specific identity, yeah.
Genderfluidity is when your gender changes! And it doesn’t matter what it changes between - like, I’m usually agender, but I have distinctly genderqueer days and distinctly male days.
Hi. There's problems. I've identified as female all my life, and that's what I biologically am, but in the past few months I've begun to feel on occasion like something neither feminine nor masculine. It can change on a daily basis, and I'm confused. Help!
Sounds like you’re finding yourself to be part of our gang. Yes, it’s confusing, but being genderfluid isn’t a bad thing. We all know what you mean. Group hug!
My name is Puck, and I am a genderfluid pansexual. I’m 16 living in Massachusetts, with a dorky old Cocker Spaniel named Rufus who is as big a part in my life as anything, so he deserves a mention.
I lean more toward male and neutral pronouns on Tumblr and in private, though due to certain things IRL I refer to myself as female on instinct while in public. Apart from he/his/him, I use the pronouns fey/nim/nis or they/them/their (which is a thing I’m trying to get out of so I don’t lose unnecessary points in English). I’ve identified as genderfluid since around 6th grade, and after long, long talks with my uncle I started binding, which is something I’ve been actively doing since mid-8th grade. Truth be told, it’s a LOT easier to bind after you’ve been doing it for a while.
I’ve only really come out to Tumblr, my uncle, and a really close friend (who is a cutie freakin’ patootie let me tell you), but it’s getting progressively easier to go around in school wearing “guy’s clothes” and not get looks. People get used to it if you do it enough.
I’m a big fan of Red VS Blue, TMNT, The Hunger Games, Two Steps From Hell, Regina Spektor, and Coheed and Cambria. I also enjoy voice acting, cosplay, writing, and illustration (usually in tandem with the writing).
Did I mention I love talking to people? My ask is always open, and as long as you introduce yourself first, feel free to hit me up on Skype!
Is there any way to know if I was born intersex? I am genderqueer, but FAAB. My clitoris feels weird or even hurts when rubbed, and almost never feels good. My periods are irregular and very far apart. And my mom says her hospital bill for when I was born says that I was circumcised. Is this enough to "prove" I was born intersex to some degree? I have never really looked at my genitalia (too dysphoric), so I don't know if there's scarring there. Are there any other signs that I might have been?
Anon, I’m not intersex to the best of my knowledge, so I’m really not sure, but here’s my best guess.
Where were you born and who were you delivered by? Can you contact them still? That may or may not help. Alternatively the hospital should have better records (although this depends on how old you are and where you live).
Find an intersex specialist or at the very least a trans/intersex-friendly doctor; if you’re comfortable with an examination by them, they should be able to give you some degree more certainty. A normal doctor might be able to as well, but you have no guarantees re how you’ll be treated.
If you aren’t successful or comfortable with either of these things, in some places you can pay for unnecessary medical testing like DNA testing or an MRI, which may indicate whether your sex chromosomes are the expected ones and/or whether your gonads are where and what your average DFAB person would have.
I am not a doctor, nor am I well-versed in medical procedure where you live at the time you were born, so I’m not sure if any of these are relevant or useful at all! There are intersex support forums and websites out there, and you may receive more useful advice on one of those. (Also, I will note that while I’m not intersex, my clit doesn’t give me any pleasure and hurts a fuckton when it’s touched, so, there’s that.)
Shout out to all the closeted LGBT people who have to return to unsafe family environments this season. Remember that there is nothing wrong with you and that no, you are not a hypocrite for loving the people who raised you despite the things they have done to hurt you. Above all remember that you will always have friends who support you even if your family does not.
How do I tell if I'm genderfluid or just enjoy crossdressing?
Is it just about the clothes and the persona, or is the persona a part of you and who you are? (Is it just a thing you do, or is it a thing that you are?)
There’s people who call what they do crossdressing but also identify as genderqueer/non-binary/genderfluid in some shape or form. I’ve known drag kings who aren’t actually female-identified, and I’m fairly sure there’s non-male-identified drag queens as well. Maybe this is you!
I hope this helped, anon, and didn’t confuse you more, but do feel free to ask more questions. Followers, any advice you have is also welcome!
I think I might be genderqueer, but I don't think I should call myself that because It wouldn't be fair to do that since I tend to identify more as a woman which I guess makes me more cis. I don't know if I should or shouldn't identify as either.
(Apologies for this answer, btw, I’m overtired and photosensitive today and have recently gotten back from a pretty busy trip, so it probably makes no sense.)
I’m not sure if you’re fluid, but it doesn’t matter whether you identify more days as a woman than anything else, or whether your little point on the big wibbly-wobbly, gendery-bendery mess that is gender identity happens to be closer to female than male (and thus you identify “more as a woman”). Either way, that doesn’t mean you have to identify as cis.
I get read as female, and while I don’t often identify as female, I’m definitely closer to female than male most days. Also, I don’t usually have dysphoria (and when I do, it’s often tied to my PTSD and how the trauma that’s shaped who I am today coincided with a lot of gender things.) My gender identity is pretty much one of the least distress-causing things in my sordid life, except when other people are dicks about it. If anything, at this stage in my life, being as out as I am, interacting with as few people in the real world as I do, my experience has much more in common with that of a cis woman’s in many ways than that of a trans person who, I dunno, “lives more as trans”.
I have a complicated relationship with the word “woman”, and with identifying as female or at least indicating that I mostly share that experience, especially in terms of woman-only feminist or intersectional spaces, and it’s okay if you do too! I know that there are trans women who also identify as non-binary, and trans men who identify as non-binary (a lot of them around here seem to use words like “boi”), and see no dissonance between being non-binary but also aligning themselves with a binary gender. That’s something you can do.