We are Genderfluid!

Oct 02

Anonymous said: Do people that bind occasionally/ part of the time ever get comments about it? Do they feel like people notice that you sometimes bind and sometimes don't?

The only comment I’ve gotten apart from my mom being worried I’m “destroying my ability to breastfeed” (hahaha ha h a) has been from my girlfriend, who was just all “y’know, it’s weird that I can’t tell if you’re binding or not in winter until you take your massive jacket off”, so, no in my case!

I’ve gotten very confused looks from lecturers, but I think a lot of this, unless your breasts are very big/the change is very dramatically visible in your general silhouette, is about general presentation. I’ve been read as male while not binding; I’ve certainly been read as female while binding and obviously having a very flat chest. The chest isn’t actually the first thing people look at when evaluating gender, and I think you’ll find that most people don’t really inspect people they’ve already met and cataloged in their head to see what’s changed (unless it’s like, a haircut or something that otherwise affects their face or prominent features).

Followers, experiences?

-Key

Anonymous said: I don't know someone's pronouns and I want to ask but also don't want to seem rude (you know, if they're like "uhhh she? what other pronouns would I use??"). Is there a polite way to go about asking?

I’m very much the sort of person who just flops down next to that person and goes “so. pronouns?”, so I’m not sure I’ll be much use here. 

If they take offense at you asking what their pronouns are, that’s their problem, y’know? I don’t think asking is ever a thing that is rude unless they’ve already made it clear to you what their pronouns are, and/or you are making a big fuss of asking in public. Asking quietly in private is always ideal.

-Key

Anonymous said: Is it normal to be genderfluid but to remain the same gender for a long period of time?am I really genderfluid if that happens?

Yes, and yes.

-Riam

whynotalyson said: I have a hard time responding to my self given name and pronouns. Does that make me a bad genderfluid person?

No, it doesn’t.  It takes time to get used to that kind of thing.  It’s perfectly normal and perfectly okay.

-Riam

Sep 29

Anonymous said: I'm a dfab genderfluid panromantic grey-a and recently started dating this asexual cis guy. He knows I'm genderfluid and mostly like girls (him being an exception), but I haven't told him I prefer they pronouns or that I'm not very comfortable with being called his "girlfriend". How should I tell him? Also, I'm having a really hard time coming up with a neutral name for my relationship title. Any thoughts?

How do you think he’ll take it? I think you know best how to talk to him about it. Will writing him a letter work better for you than talking face to face? That seems to be the case for a lot of people, especially when they want to be sure what exactly they end up saying. 

Either way, I think you’re right in thinking about relationship titles before approaching him about it, at least so that you have some ideas to bring in to see what he’s comfortable with calling you. My girlfriend calls me her “datefriend” (or “memefriend”, in more private circles, but that’s very much because we bonded over memes in the first place), and my ex called me their “partner”, and those are the two I tend to prefer over anything else. My sister likes the alliteration of “datemate”, though! 

I think it’s important that you talk to him sooner rather than later, because I know in the past when I’ve sat on or tolerated “she” with people I wanted to be close to, that’s backfired on me. I’ve become resentful about being misgendered while at the same time being too nervous to correct them, and they’ve gotten to a point where they had no idea what I was upset about, and it generally becomes a real mess. I think that in most cases, even if he doesn’t take it well, he’ll come around to it if he cares enough about you (and if he doesn’t, well, y’know)>

Best of luck with this! From one person who’s just hashed out the dating-a-new-person “what do we call this” thing to another, I hope it goes well for you. Let us know how you go, if you like.

(Followers, if you have other suggestions for what this anon can have as their relationship title, let us know!)

-Key

Sep 26

hellaqueerprettyboy said: hey so is it possible to be fluid like increasingly? like I was cis and then was not and then was genderfluid but I feel like the longer I identify as masculine, the more ftm I feel. like?? is this normal? like when I look back to the past, I haven't been trans my whole life. but I feel like me maleness has been increasing in intensity?? help

This is a thing that happens for a lot of people!

Like, it doesn’t make your previous cisness or genderfluidity or whatever less valid that your overall gender is changing as well. The core premise of genderfluidity is that gender is, well, fluid! It changes, both in the short term and the long term, and that’s okay.

I’m very much not fluid now myself, for example. I’ve settled into quite a stable thing right now, and who knows where I’ll go after this? It’s okay, whatever it happens to be.

You’re okay!

-Key

Sep 24

:D

Hello, introduction post here — You can call me Rory, and I have absolutely no clue what my gender is. I’m fairly sure it’s fluid, but I don’t know what it is at any given moment, haha. I only just discovered nonbinary genders a month or so back and I am just so happy that we are such a big welcoming community from what I’ve seen :) Uh, I’m in the 9th grade, I like dogs, I do pretty well in school, um, I’m a huge fan of Harry Potter, Homestuck, and Percy Jackson. I’ve got a black lab, won’t say her name for total privacy, but she says hello to everyone :) Haha, I’m not too good at introductions, so I guess that’s it. It’s nice to semi-onesidedly meet you all!! :)

Sep 22

thehomelesswhisperer said: that previous ask about dysphoria leaving once realizing they realized they weren't cis really spoke to me. I've been trying to figure out why it was that i felt serious gender confusion only until i considered the idea that i was either gender fluid or nonbinary. was it that my fear of deviating from social norms made my anxiety spike until i accepted it? For a while i was afraid that it was "just a phase", but i still feel these feelings, just without the heavy weight that was there before

Anonymous said: i've considered myself genderfluid for a while, and have had times of rapid changing (a few times a day at least), but my gender's been completely static (in a gray-neutral area) for a couple weeks now. does that happen to others? should i maybe re-examine how i identify if i'm no longer as fluid?

I think that happens to a lot of people, and whether or not your want to use a different label entirely your choice.  It’s pretty much impossible to know whether you’ll change more in the future, but it’s still okay to call yourself genderfluid, or not.

-Riam

Sep 16

Anonymous said: What about the other way around (opposite of binding) having dysphoria about not having breasts? What could inexpensively help us flat chested folk?

This post and this might be useful to you.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Hey just a little celebration because I have been having a very good week. I ordered my underworks binder yesterday! I'm was thinking of cutting my hair short, but I was afraid my job might think it was too "alternative" and get mad, but then i found out that my manager is gay and getting married next week and if he's a manager then this place can't be full of crap about acceptance like most places are. I'm so excited to be here hhh.

That’s great!

Anonymous said: Opinions on gender-only languages. Where most words are based on feminine and masculine. Such as; Spanish, Catalan , French, Italian and Portuguese?

I don’t really know what sort of opinion you’re looking for.  I mean, that’s tough for nonbinary people.  In Spanish I personally tend to use -o endings, but you can also try avoiding words that are gendered, which is difficult but usually possible (in Spanish at least—I don’t really know anything about the other languages).  Or you could alternate between the different genders.  I’ve also heard of people using -e endings instead of -o or -a, or using @ (which only really works in writing), or -oa, or -ao.  Again, I don’t really know anything about the other languages, but I imagine similar creative solutions might be found.  

-Riam