We are Genderfluid!

Sep 03

attention non-english speakers who have struggled to find gender neutral pronouns


there is a very good compilation of gender neutral pronouns in a variety of different languages that can be found here! it’s really helpful and a lot of thought and help has gone into it from people who speak these as their native language! i definitely recommend you go check it out

Anonymous said: Do you have any insights to or know any blogs for sexual fluidity? And like what it is exactly? And does it have to be fluctuating between genders or like if you always like blonde girls but then like a brunette girl randomly- is that a form of fluidity? Because it deviates from what you typically are?

I don’t know of any blogs, no.

That said, I understand gender-based sexuality being fluid, especially alongside a fluid gender, but honestly: the hair color example you’ve got there, if it’s serious, is indicative of larger problems in how you conceive sexuality. 

People are attractive for a range of reasons! Sometimes one particular person who’s “not your type” might stick out and be attractive to you! That’s not necessarily implying that your sexuality has changed! There’s a reason our everyday conversations about sexuality sometimes have “I’d go straight for X” or similar: even with gender, there’s often a couple of exceptions to a norm, and that’s okay. 

Also: your “type” will change over time! I used to be exclusively attracted to thin white guys who were blonde and blue-eyed. That was mostly me being influenced by internalized racism and homophobia and a really fucked up understanding of beauty standards tied to the internalized racism, to be honest. Now I’m very much not. A lot of that was working on myself because I didn’t want to be that person. I still am disproportionately attracted to white people, and that’s stuff I’m still unpacking about the way I grew up believing white people were the prettiest and the best, but I’m doing what I can.

(Even if I hadn’t done deliberate work on myself and analyzed why I liked the people I did, and whether that was set in stone or kind of based on things I didn’t want to be, I think my attractions would have changed over time. I know for sure they do for lots and lots of people.)

In short: this might be something you want to put a label on, but: I’d strongly discourage both the labelling of something as trivial as hair color and the uncritical assumption that who you like is just who you like and there’s nothing you can change about it, only go along with the ride that is a changing sexuality.


Anonymous said: hi there! i need some help, i think. i've known i'm nonbinary for a long time, it's just.. i don't really know what to call myself. i have days where i feel like a girl, or days where i feel like a boy, but most of the time i don't feel like anything. i don't think agender seems like the right word, though.. do you think genderfluid is a good word for me?

You could call yourself genderfluid if you like.  There are lots of other genderfluid people who sometimes don’t have a gender.  

You could also call yourself agender if you like—if you’re genderless enough of the time that it seems fair to you to round up/down to agender, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Or maybe you could use the terms graygender, like mostly agender but not quite, or agenderflux, or agenderfluid, or mostly agender, or libragender, or librafluid, or demiagender, or meta-agender, or para-agender, or genderflux, or fluidflux, or subfluid.  I’m just looking around and throwing stuff out there now, if you’re really looking for a word that closely describes your gender experience.

Mostly the definitions don’t quite fit, but they could maybe be close enough.

Basically it’s your choice, and it’s okay to call yourself something that isn’t a perfect fit.  Most of our genders are a little different from each other anyway, even when we group ourselves under the same category.

Here are some other people who seem to have similar experiences as you.



i feel like a lot of young trans women and people who are considering becoming trans women don’t realise how fast the changes from HRT happen, or even what the changes entail; i don’t know even a single trans woman who has had top surgery, and i only know one who has had facial feminisation surgery.

boobs happen fast, facial changes happen fast, body fat moves fast, it all happens more quickly than i ever realised it would’ve. one day i just sort of woke up like “holy shit i’m so girly” without even really thinking about it

if you’re worrying about HRT and how it might effect your body and whether or not it will be worth it: it’s worth it. it’s completely worth it. for $60 a month (and some Illegal Online Bullshit) i have managed to become more happy and comfortable in my body than i ever imagined i could have

(via ohnoproblems)

Aug 30

Anonymous said: Hi, I'm going into my Junior year of high school in about a week, and this'll be the first year I'll be fully open with my genderfluidity, and I'd like to start going by my new name and pronouns (I only use one set and one name). I'd really like for my teachers to use them, too, but I'm nervous about asking. How should I go about asking them to use them? Should I ask at all?

Maybe before you start, you could send emails to your teachers saying something like “[polite fluff] On your paper I’m listed as [legal name], but I use the name [new name], and my pronouns are [pronouns], and I’d like you to call me those things instead. [polite fluff]”  Or you could go up to each teacher after/before class and say something similar.  Here’s another template.  Some teachers may be more amenable than others, and some may forget or “forget,” but it’s okay to ask.  I did.  Depending on where you live, it’s unlikely you’ll encounter outright hostility from your teachers in response, even if they don’t approve, but it’s always a possibility, and it’s something to be prepared for.  There’s no “should,” as unhelpful as that is—it’s a decision you have to make for yourself, based on your situation and needs.  Good luck!


Anonymous said: I see you guys give so much advice to everyone regardless of their situation..you always try to help and send resources if you don't have experience with it. And I see a constant theme that you tell people that they're normal, and okay, and absolutely loved and supported. I just love seeing all of your unconditional support, it makes me so happy! So thank you :)

Thank you!  I’m so glad :)


Anonymous said: hi! i wanted to ask if it's a bad thing for someone to switch their orientation around or their gender/pronouns or the name they go by a lot while trying to figure out what they are? i'm still figuring out all the terms and what feels nice for me, so i switch these around at times.

That’s perfectly okay.  It’s a good way to experiment and learn about yourself and figure things out.  


Aug 29

Anonymous said: I'm physically female with no room for doubt and I love dressing myself up and being girly. But inside my head, I'm all male, and these conflicting self-images are really taking a toll on me. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a man, AM a man, but I love being the woman me, too. I don't know what to do. Please help.

You can be a man and still feminine, still dress yourself up and be girly. Those things are okay.   Maybe you’re a femme trans man, or a trans man who enjoys crossdressing.  There are lots of other people like you.  You might find these links useful.


Anonymous said: Are we deceitful by nature? Rather like how many gays/lesbians IME distrust bisexuals (sad), are genderfluids presenting a fake façade? I feel more comfortable and empowered as a guy but exciting and alluring as a woman. When someone I was seeing saw both sides to me, she was disgusted. Not because of how I dress or my orientation or whatever, but beause she thought the radical changes in presentation made me fake. It stung to be called a deceitful fake, but I can almost see the validity.

Uh, no.  There’s nothing fake about being true to yourself.  There’s nothing fake about taking pleasure in your appearance and presentation.  There’s nothing fake about making choices regarding your presentation that make you most comfortable and happy.  It’s okay to have multiple facets.  It’s okay to be complicated.  I’m sorry someone treated you like that.


Anonymous said: I tend to wear pretty gender neutral clothing (Skinny jeans and a band top) and even onmy guy days I'm like the stereo type of a gay man and I love being that way but in someways it feels like I'm doing it wrong like I should be acting manly and people seem to jump to the conclusion that this is all for attention :(

Nah.  Do you however you want.  There’s definitely a lot of pressure to be super manly, if you’re a trans dfab person, but that’s not healthy, especially if that’s not who you are.  And it’s not who most people are.  Try to build yourself an environment as supportive and accepting as possible, and know that you are fine.


Anonymous said: Is anyone else sort of... Binary fluid? Not bigender, but usually you're one gender but you move around a bit on that side of the spectrum and nowhere else. Like I'm male usually but I shift around in the male end of things. Anyone else?

I don’t know.  Anyone?


Aug 28

Anonymous said: I know binding with ACE is very bad but what about something without the elastic. Are binders supposed to stretch?

Binders are generally compressive by nature, so yeah, they tend to be stretchy. Even the non-stretchy cheap ones have a bit of give in them because solid, unyielding fabric is not particularly safe (and as a result, non-stretchy binders need to be a bit looser than stretchy ones so you can breathe easy).

That said, it’s very much about listening to your own body. I nearly fainted the other day in a western elastic binder that is in fact a little bit too big for me, but I can wear the non-stretchy ones just fine (although those are, again, also a bit too big), and a lot of that is about what that sort of compressive pressure does to me. 

Listen to your body, and take more breaks than I did, and make sure you’re not only capable of breathing well but actually breathing well.