We are Genderfluid!

Aug 20

Anonymous said: I came out to my group counselor as genderfluid today, and she was very accepting and open about it. She even offered to be in the room when I tell my one on one therapist, and has even helped me to find a gender therapist that I can afford.

That’s great!

Anonymous said: I'm genderfluid (although I usually just say I'm non-binary), but I also identify as lesbian (I'm dfab). Often times people say I can't be non-binary AND gay. Is my identity technically possible without being contradictory?

Identities are complicated things.  If that combination of identities feels right to you, that’s fine.  You’re not alone there.  Just make sure you’re not being anything like this (misgendering/being transmisogynistic/cissexist/transphobic towards other people through your identity), and you’re golden.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Is it bad that I get mad at people when they say, "I'm fine with it and I accept you, but it doesn't matter because you're female and not going to transition."

No, it’s not bad.  Those people are transphobic, cissexist jerks and are lying when they say they accept you.  That’s not what acceptance looks like.

-Riam

Aug 18

Anonymous said: Is it okay to experiment with gender?

askanonbinary:

Yes!

—Beck

Aug 17

damatris said: Hi! I was wondering if there are some offensive tropes/cliches I should be aware while writing a gender fluid character? I'm making a webcomic loosely based on Scandinavian mythology (which sports more than one instance of a character shifting their gender), so I decided to give it a modern twist and actually address the fact that gender can be fluid and change instead of using it for laughs. Would shape-shifting to another gender while expressing said identity be considered bad cliche?

I think that would be fine as long as you don’t act like their body changing is the same as their gender changing.  Make sure you don’t conflate their physical changes with their gender changes, even if for them the two may be related.  It would also be good if you could point out that there exist genderfluid people who can’t shapeshift.  What I guess I’m saying is, don’t fall into cissexist patterns that imply the shape of a person’s body defines their gender.

-Riam

Aug 16

Anonymous said: Help? For about as long as I can remember I have been genderfluid (female, androgynous, and agender), and I started fully identifying as fluid about a year ago, but I've been feeling increasingly more agender for about 2 months and I don't know what to identify as? I'm still comfortable presenting more femme, but I'm just...I'm losing my gendered identification...I'm hopelessly lost.

I see how that could be scary, but I think it’s a thing that happens to a lot of people.  Sometimes our gender does something we’re not used to and it throws off our whole understanding.  It might stay like that, and it might go back to what you’re used to, or it might to do something else. but there’s not much you can do about it either way, and it’s okay.  Anyway, this doesn’t mean you’re not genderfluid.  You don’t have to have a gender that changes all the time to be genderfluid; it just has to change sometimes, and that’s clearly the case for you.  It’ll be okay.

-Riam

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Aug 15

no-indignity said: Genderfluid vs Genderqueer: i ID as genderfluid, which means yeah sometimes i feel like a dude and sometimes i feel like a lady and sometimes my brain cant decide. I also id as genderqueer, because my personal definitions consider that to be an umbrella term for nonbinary folks. :D just to throw another personal experience in there!

Thanks!

I just wanted to come by and share something that made me very happy today. It’s my first day at college and I have a lanyard to hold my ID card. I decided to write pronoun sets on little pieces of paper and stick them in the other side of my ID holder so that in future I’ll be able to easily show people which pronouns I’d prefer at any given moment/day. I’m pretty proud of thinking of this and I just thought it might be useful for others too. :)

Anonymous said: Hi I'm 18 and have been genderfluid for about 3-4 years now (i mean i discoverd i was, about 3-4 years ago) i was born with male parts. i am familiar with the concept of binding for those born with female features, and i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how i could do sort of a "binding" thing to make my physical features more feminine. thanks for the help, love, and support!

I’m not sure which physical features you’re referring to, but here’s information about tucking, and here’s information about breastforms and finding a bra.  Hopefully one or both of those is what you mean and will be helpful to you.  And here’s more general info.  Here’s some more.  Here’s more.  Good luck!

-Riam

captainspacepirate said: What is going on a low dose of T / going on it for a short time like? Like.. What changes would you experience? I'm ddab genderfluid, but I feel more boyish in the way that I want to look. But I have been avoiding anything to do with T because of the changes that I don't want to experience (ie voice change, facial hair)

Going on a low dose of T is just like going on a high dose of T except that the changes happen more slowly.  But they all still happen, and they all still happen in the same order.  The lower the dose, the slower they happen.

Going on T and then stopping means that you keep whatever permanent changes you acquired during that time, not getting any further changes that you would if you kept going, and losing the temporary changes.  For example: fat redistribution, cessation of menstruation, and muscle growth are all temporary changes and after stopping would revert back to how they were pre-T.  Same for more subtle things like changes in smell and sex drive and skin texture.  Voice change, facial and body hair growth, genital growth, and any bone structural changes would remain at the level they were when you stopped T.  Most major changes happen in, let’s say, the first 6-9 months. Some more changes, such as a bit more genital growth and further facial hair growth would finish coming in by 2-5 years.  Facial hair is one of the slowest changes—you’d have a few hair in a few months, a few more in a few more, and you wouldn’t have a full beard for years.  Voice change, on the other hand, starts within weeks and goes down more or less to your final register by around 6-9 months.  Permanent facial change is more subtle (and also strongly affects how people read you) but I want to say it happens at about the same rate as the voice change.

Here’s one timeline.  Here’s another.  Here’s more information.  I’d suggest you watch a bunch of youtube T vlogs to get a better grip on how the changes happen.  

It’s hard to give even an approximate timeline for lower doses of T, because there’s a lot less data out there.  But again, all the same changes, just spread over a longer period of time, and able to be cut off whenever you like.  Depending on how much smaller your dose is, the changes of six months might happen over a year, or two years, or three years.  It’s hard to say.

Keep in mind all of this varies depending on your genetics and so on, and different people will have changes in different orders, at different speeds, and to different extents.  That’s best predicted by looking at your cis male family members.  This is just a rough outline I’m giving—none of it can be completely accurately predicted.  Also, unfortunately to us all, it’s impossible to control which changes you get and to what extent.  The most you can do on that front is hope that your desired changes come before the undesired changes and are permanent, and stop before the undesired changes come.  But that’s just luck.

I started out wanting to do a low dose, but changed my mind out of impatience.  Because I was (finally) prescribed my T by a pediatric endocrinologist, I was made to start on a (very) low dose anyway, and that was slowly increased until it was more or less the average.  Which was frustrating.  I had preferences about what changes I wanted too, and I’m still kind of ambivalent about my decision to stop—it’s possible that I’ll start again one day, but I’m not currently planning on it.  I stopped when I did (at six months) in large part because I didn’t want to get much more body hair, but there were other changes I would have liked more of, and temporary changes I wish had been permanent.  

Mostly due (I think) to my voice drop and changes in my facial bone structure, I am now read as male almost all the time, and I’m happy with that situation.  Before T, I was read as male about 30-40% of the time.  Again, this will vary.  I know people who have been on T for years and still are almost never read as male, for example.  They’re few and far between, but it happens.  For others, it happens a lot faster.  It really can’t be predicted.  The good thing is that if you don’t like where the changes are headed, you can stop whenever you want.  You can also start and stop as many times as you like, provided you can find either an amenable doctor or an informed consent clinic, and you have the money.

I hope this helps.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Do you mind explain the differences between gender queer and gender fluid?

Genderqueer can be a specific nonbinary identity, or, sometimes—less so recently—an umbrella term for nonbinary genders.  

Genderfluid refers to a particular nonbinary identity that oscillates between two or more genders.  Fluid is the key word there.  It changes.  Someone who is genderfluid may or may not also identify as genderqueer.  

Genderqueer can mean different specific things to different people, or it can broadly speak of any gender that isn’t simply man or woman.  It doesn’t necessarily change.  It can, and most often does, refer to a static gender, as long as it’s one that isn’t sufficiently described by “man” or “woman”.

Many nonbinary people don’t use the word genderqueer to describe themselves, though.  It’s a preference thing; it has specific political and personal connotations.  So not every nonbinary person is genderqueer.

I’m having trouble saying this concisely, even though it’s a clear difference.  My brain is being weird and I hope you can understand what I’m saying.  Let’s try again—Genderfluid = specific identity involving gender that periodically changes into other genders.  Genderqueer = term for various specific or general identities defined by being neither simply a man or a woman.

Anyone want to clarify or add something?

-Riam