Anonymous asked: Some people are saying nb brains are different than trans brains and the same as cis brains and that we genderfluid people have multiple personality disorder and I'm freaking out that my identity isn't valid and need a hug please.
You can have all the hugs.
Your identity is valid. OUR identity is valid, since I’m with you!
I don’t know the science here but maybe someone does. But though some people with such disorders may be genderfluid, and also some people who are genderfluid envision their genders as having different identities somehow, I am fairly certain that it’s wrong to consider all genderfluid people as having Dissociative identity disorder (DID). I’m pretty darn sure.
Anyone have comments?
Anonymous asked: So gender roles-wise I am always switching between female, male and in-between, but the only time I have physical dysphoria is during sexytimes. Can I count myself as gender fluid, and do you have any advice (female-bodied)?
You do sound genderfluid to me, yes, but as for sexytime advice I’m not any kind of an expert. So I’ll leave that…. ~turning to our readers with an inviting smile and looking at you all with imploring eyes~ to you.
Anonymous asked: psst I need help! I don't know how to pronounce a lot of the NB pronouns I see on here D: I can't seem to find a pronunciation guide, do you guys know where I could like listen to all the pronouns being pronounced? I'm trying to figure out what pronouns I like, and it'd help to know what they all sound like
I think individuals who use these often will mention how to do so on their blogs, but that’s hard to search for; I’d also like to find a list of these pronouns and a guide to how to pronounce the hard ones! Anyone got a lead?
Anonymous asked: To the anon asking about wearing a binder to bed it isn't recommended because it compresses your chest area and it's just worse when you fall asleep in a binder.
Anonymous asked: I've got a bit of an odd question. Is it safe to bind at night? I've got a binder that's a tad too large to be terribly effective, and I sometimes feel terribly uncomfortable at night, and it occasionally keeps me up. Would it be damaging to wear it if I don't bind during the day?
Depends how you sleep and on your particular respiratory health and stuff, I imagine! Lots of people sleep in pretty tight sports bras, and if it’s not a super tight binder and you don’t have respiratory issues, it’s worth a shot. I’d say maybe set an alarm for an hour or two later one night when you don’t have anything to do the next morning? And see if you still feel comfortable then, and if not, take it off (and if you are, just go back to sleep).
It’s worth checking with a doctor, if you’re comfortable with that/have a decent one.
Anonymous asked: I feel like I would rather be male but I feel like a part of me is still female, is there a term for this? yet when I think of myself, Id rather be one gender then a mix/no gender ?? is this like gender fluidity or something else? thanks x
Well, you could be one of many things! Lots of binary trans people are initially unsure that they’re binary trans, because they feel like the narrative that means they have to be Really And Always A Woman/Man doesn’t fit them. And of course it doesn’t! They have a history, many of them, of having been cis at some point, or at least having been socialized as and interacting with people as such. And that part of them, for at least a few people I know, is something that’s always there.
Some trans male friends of mine do say things like “when I was a little girl…”, because they feel like they were. That there’s always part of them that’s woman-aligned, and in many cases, especially for older trans men when the LGBT community was less diverse wherever they lived, a part of them that’s lesbian-aligned. That it’s not much of a stretch to say that they are 100% male, but also that they’ve got some female stuff too!
That’s one of the things you could be. Another thing you could be is bigender, or similar, two genders at once. If your gender changes over time, if you think about what gender you are at some point and it’s different from another point, that’s genderfluidity!
This is a very incomplete list of things you could be - in the end, that’s up to you. It’s up to you what label you find feels right, what way of explaining the way you feel about gender is best for you, whether you even want to adopt a label or conceptualization of your gender at all.
Best of luck on that journey.
Anonymous asked: i used to really like dresses but now I feel more comfortable in men's clothing and I like people using male pronouns for me, but my mom won't accept it. she doesn't think me being trans or genderfluid/agender is an "acceptable" answer and I'm beginning to doubt it myself. can someone switch from being so feminine to wanting to be a boy? am I just being stupid?
can someone switch from being so feminine to wanting to be a boy?
Yes. I had a spectacular phase of trying as hard as I could to fit into the box that is “female” or “girl”. I still own more and wear/appreciate more dresses and other femme clothing now than I did as a ten-year-old, actually, and I’m nevertheless a legitimate trans person, whatever that is.
am I just being stupid?
No. Look, it’s really hard when your parents won’t accept things. It’s really hard when the world is telling you that what you are isn’t a real thing, that it doesn’t exist. Of course you’re going to doubt yourself, but what you are is what you are, and whatever you want to call yourself and do with yourself is valid and important.
Most of the stuff in our world exists because somebody made it up! I don’t know who made the word “genderfluid” up, but somebody felt that was what they were, and I meet genderfluid people in person on campus once in a while now. I’m sure that that first person met a lot of opposition because such a thing had not existed before, and I’m sure most of us face the same sort of opposition (because most of the people around us pretty much don’t think it exists), and that makes life difficult, but: somebody called themself that, put a name to a social experience which other people then came to realize they shared, and that’s all that was necessary to make it real.
It’s not wrong or absurd to make stuff up where existing stuff doesn’t fit you, or to take action to change things about yourself you don’t like, or to adopt words that are important to you and your idea of who you are. Gender is flexible, and humans are flexible, and you are flexible! You don’t have to always have been the person you are now or want the things you want now for those desires and that identity to be valid.
Anonymous asked: Hello. I need a chest binder but idk where to buy it in my country and I still dont feel confident to ask anybody for help, so could u tell me a way to look flat chested? Anyway I have really small breasts, but I want to look more flatchested. Thanks
If you’re small-breasted, often just wearing baggier clothing will help, as will finding singlets or crop tops that are a size too small and rigid enough to compress your breasts rather than just stretch to fit them.
There are binders for sale online, though! I don’t have the link right now, because I’m on a university computer, but I got mine (which works… okayish for somebody with medium breasts like me, but should be excellent on small breasts) for like $5 on eBay with international shipping, if that’s an option for you!
Check out our “binding” and “binding without a binder” tags for more.
if you feel anguish over whether you don’t feel trans enough to qualify for that identity, guess what: you’re trans! and im gonna give you a big smooch
Anonymous asked: Can I ask what your reasons are for disliking nonbinary as a word? I'm just curious!
Some of you know that, among other things, I study computation. There’s a lot of things that are binaries! And I know that feeling weird about describing myself as non-binary because I deal more often with binaries that aren’t the gender one is a bit silly, because I should really also be uncomfortable calling myself trans in the same way since there’s tons of things that are shortened to “trans”, but that’s how I feel sometimes.
That’s a really personal thing! I have a lot of issues with a lot of identities regarding how they fit me, personally, and I don’t want anybody to take that as my opinion on whether the label is valid or useful for anybody else, because it’s not! The word non-binary is one I’m totally comfortable using, just not about myself.
Long story short, I just have weird gender-label issues, and that’s something I try to work through outside this blog, because I’m here to support and encourage you guys.
Anonymous asked: this might be a really silly question, but i'm only just beginning to settle into the title of gender fluid, and i am assuming that it falls under the heading of "non-binary" as well?
Yes, because even if you’re fluid between the two binary genders, you’re inherently breaking the binary with your switching!
Hello! To the anon with the long ask:
1. You feeling like you don’t mind people pronoun-ing you with she/her on your masc/andro days doesn’t detract from your genderfluid identity. At all~ also, someone touching you doesn’t mean they’re treating you like a girl? A little confused by what you mean by that, sorry!
2. I’m genderqueer so i don’t deal with being multiple genders, sorry, but maybe you could make a few small buttons/badges w different sets of pronouns and wear the one suits you for that day?
3. http://fatgirlsshorthair.tumblr.com/ <— this says it’s for feminine folks but hey, have a look anyway!
4. Pants-wise, maybe looking at thrift stores might work. They’ve got odd sizes you can get tailored if they’re too long etc? If not… Well. I’m heavier than the average Singaporean afab person and all the pants from various departments and stores look the same on me anyway. T_T
5. I try to find a family/handicapped stall most of the time, but at my workplace there’s only binary ones. Maybe you can invest in a stand-to-pee device! (It’s a real thing.)
Best of luck! :)