Anonymous asked: I discovered a new word that you may be interested in. "Skoliosexual" is attraction to those who do not identify as cisgender, primarily to non-binary and genderqueer.

gallopingtormaunt:

The word origin is a little bit unflattering, but I’ve heard of this word and if there were another word that were equivalent but not so unpleasant in its background it would be one I would use for myself often. 

Anyone got any alternative terms?

BTW ILY

Flavia

(Reblogged from gallopingtormaunt)

ashetheringleader asked: To your last anon asking about top surgery, I think it's normal! That is actually exactly how I want to be in my future. Boobs just kind of get in the way for me, and I don't think I'd be exactly comfortable with anything down there. Stay strong!

Anonymous asked: I'm dfab and I've identified as gender-fluid for over 6 years and lately I've been thinking that I'd like to get top surgery. I know I am gender-fluid but I feel like I'd feel less dysphoric and just more comfortable without breasts.. is that weird though? Because I don't want bottom surgery, I would like to keep my vagina, I just don't want boobs. I feel like this is strange though.. because I wouldn't be all one sex and idk are there other people like that? Would I have to take T?

Hi anon!

Pretty much any trans person ever who’s undergone some kind of gender-related body modification (be that hormonal or surgical or both or something similar to either) is “not all one sex”. Sex is a really ambiguous and strange category, anyway, and there are a lot of people who aren’t “all one sex”. Here’s one of my other answers that goes into more detail about that!

If you want top surgery, go for it. Your body is yours to modify however you see fit, and keeping yourself safe, content and comfortable is your own prerogative, it’s more important that fitting some conventional idea of “people should look like this” or “people should have either this or this”.

If you actually want the changes T brings, then, uh, that can also be arranged, but if you don’t you definitely don’t need to have taken T to get top surgery! This is especially true if you were exceptionally large-breasted to begin with, enough that breast reduction surgery would be covered by your insurance or otherwise a relatively easy thing for you to obtain. I know trans men who’ve had top surgery but not started T!

Bear this in mind, though: there will be roadblocks on your way to getting top surgery. If you can afford private surgery, then this is a lot easier for you, of course; if not, you’re going to face an uphill battle at every step. We live in a society that values breasts over the people they’re attached to sometimes, and I’ve known genderqueer friends to have been offered breast reductions by their insurance company or by state healthcare but not top surgery, not anything close to top surgery, even though it’s not a procedure that should logically have any higher access boundaries to it. 

Good luck! I hope you get what you need, and without too much trouble or anxiety.

-Key

Anonymous asked: Do you know any good, short (2-5 minutes) YouTube videos about being outside of the gender binary? I cannot for the life of me find a single one that is both informative and not tediously long or boring. I'm finding videos for my school's "Free to be me" (LGBT pride) assembly and want to represent a wide range of people under the queer umbrella. I have videos from trans, lesbian and gay YouTubers. At this point I'll settle for anything—genderfluid, bigender, agender, genderqueer…please help!

I’ll best someone knows some good stuff for you!

It’s a spectrum loves.

henkholveck.tumblr.com

Anonymous asked: Alright so I'm a girl named Skylar and like I wanna dress like a boy and act like a boy and have a boy haircut and stuff but I don't wanna change between my legs cause I don't really care? I don't like the idea of sex so I don't care about a penis or vagina. Sometimes I have dress about being in a guy on guy relationship or girl on girl but I don't really want too. I don't like the idea of sex or any of that crap I just wanna act and dress I like a guy is this weird? (1/2)

(2/2) I’m the anon about not wanting to have sex but wanna dress like a boy anyways I really don’t want anything between my legs cause I don’t like the idea of sex is THIS weird? I wanna dress/act like a boy but not have sex and not go through the “change”.

(3/3) sorry one more thing I’m the anon about no sex and doesn’t care what’s between my legs I was just going to say I don’t mind me touching my vagina but I don’t want anybody else touching it. I’m not ashamed about what’s between my legs I just wanna dress and act like a guy

Hi Skylar!

Taking this in parts.

You sound like you’re asexual! Not wanting to have sex or for anybody but yourself to have contact with your vulva is not a gender thing as much as it’s a sexuality thing. There’s a real asexual community on Tumblr; check that out! (I follow asexual-not-a-sexual​, who’s one asexual agender person who is awesome, and asexualscience​ seems like a good place to start for a more general asexual support blog. Our followers may have more recs.) It’s not weird not to want to have sex! I lean all the way into “I panic even thinking about having sex”, so, y’know. Lots of us out there don’t want or have sex. Plenty of us don’t really care about our genitals, trans and cis alike.

Wanting to dress and act masculinely could mean one of many things, really. I don’t get any sense at all from the stuff you’ve told me about how you interact with gender, which would give me more clue. I don’t know if you want to be a guy, or if you feel like you are a guy, or if for you you’re perfectly happy being a girl who dresses and acts like a boy, and might be confused for a boy sometimes. Either way, at this stage, I think the word butch is another word you might find useful! “Butch lesbian” is the usual phrase it’s part of, but there’s plenty of straight and ace and other queer women (and non-binary folk) who are butch. 

-Key

Heya!

Alli is the female, Adam is the male. Both of us are kinda fucked up but then again that’s why we’re on tumblr. We were born a girl, but recently Alli discovered me. More like she finally figured out why I exist. She is kinda girly a lot more than she realizes and she crushes over a lot of dudes. I, however, crush on a few ladies myself and I’m more flirty, I think. I also crush on guys, and there’s one whom both of us share. We also like to treat each other as separate individuals in one body, cause to us it’s what it’s like. I hope that’s not weird to you, I’m not good with words unlike her.

We have yet to come out and reveal ourselves into the world officially. We do plan on coming out as bisexual and bi-gender on Easter, when most of the family is there and we don’t have to see it all over Facebook. And our gay cousin will be there and we think he might be relieved on not being the only non-straight member of our family.

Hope to meet new friends here, and thanks for reading.

Anonymous asked: Since I first explored sexuality I've sometimes (on-and-off) imagined myself having sex with women as someone with a penis. In the past I've IDed as genderqueer/androgynous, but I think it's more fluid than that? For the last couple of years I've felt like a girl even while imagining myself like that sexually. I wish my breasts were smaller but I don't have a problem with having them (though I've bound sometimes). I don't mind having a vagina either. I'm really confused about my gender/body.

I can identify with this sort of feeling, and I am pretty sure others will, too! Please, folks, pitch in!

Anonymous asked: I'm genderfluid, but as someone who was raised as a female, and has been subject to sexism I identify strongly as a feminist even though I'm not female. Is this weird or wrong?

Oh boy. There’s a whole bunch of questions and things to unpack here. I’ll walk you through what I can.

one: Being raised female or socialized female, whatever those things mean (because there is no universal female experience or socialization, and class and race and disability and a lot of other things affect this) does not lend a person more of a claim to experiencing misogyny than somebody who wouldn’t be thought of as having been socialized as female (that is, say, a DMAB transfeminine person or trans woman). Just going to make that clear to start with, that buying into that is implicit transmisogyny.

two: Do you believe that cis men can be feminists? If you do, there is literally no problem with anybody of any gender being a feminist, right? The rest of this is irrelevant at least to your specific enquiry, in this case.

three: Okay, assuming you don’t believe that’s the case, and that you prefer “male allies” vs “feminists”. Are you ever a woman? Are you ever a man? Are you ever/often read as female? Or male? These things make a lot of difference in how much you can be said to benefit from or experience misogyny as a DFAB person (I’m assuming that’s what you are). There is absolutely no way, for example, I’d consider trans men some sort of “man but not where feminism is concerned”. Being transmasculine myself, I’ve had to be very careful to walk the line of dealing with gender stuff without being misogynist in the process, and being aware of what things I’m buying into. 

four: Honestly, I feel like “feminist is not a designation for men” is more that than it is “feminist is a designation only for women”. Does that make sense? If it’s the sort of feminism that includes the person you are, then it should have enough nuance in it to allow you to be represented as well. And if you’re to be a responsible feminist, and if you’re transmasculine at all, you’ll have enough nuance in you to consider the ways in which you can both help the movement by pointing out casual cissexism and the places where your adoption of non-female masculinity can be threatening and you should be listening to others.

five: Is this about entry to women-only spaces? I have no idea, I just realized that could be a possible thing. I tend to only enter women’s spaces if I’m invited or have otherwise been made welcome (I spoke at one the other night, actually, but they made it clear all genders were welcome to that particular event, and, uh, they invited me to speak, so), or if mental health means it’s non-negotiable that I find myself a safe space and that’s the closest or safest one at that point. Your mileage may vary! I know lots of non-binary people who feel differently about this stuff. I know DFAB non-binary people who aren’t transmasculine, either, but relate to gender entirely off the plane (it would be disingenuous of me to say I was one of them, though, because my gender is definitely tied to buying into masculinity at some point), and I know that many of them see women’s spaces as their spaces, and that a couple have taken up positions as Women’s Rights Officers and similar at my university.

Long story short, I have no idea what kind of feminism you’re talking about, I have no idea what kind of spaces you’re talking about, behave responsibly and with a critical eye to the ways you benefit from structures or may otherwise be in a position of power in feminist spaces. 

Also, I’m really really not an expert on this. Don’t unconditionally take my word for it. 

-Key

i-killed-mickey asked: Hey, I'm afab but I realate completely to what that last anon said. Why are you sure they're trans not fluid? Thanks :) x

Being trans doesn’t mean they’re not fluid! What it means is that their experience as a whole is alien enough from being cis that it’s, well, trans, regardless what else they are. If they want the word, of course.

I started off uncomfortable with calling myself trans. A lot of us do! But at this point that’s pretty much the only word I know I am, really. That I’m not cis, that I’m miles away from being cis, that’s all I’m sure of about my gender and the way I relate to people. It feels like this might be that anon’s experience.

-Key

Anonymous asked: When I was younger, I briefly thought I was a trans woman, because I had quite a strong desire to have 'female' body parts. Then I realised this was wrong, and ID'd as cis for a couple of years. But recently, I've realised I'm probably genderqueer/fluid, because I still have this mild dysphoria from time to time, and there are times (rarely though) when I feel like a girl. I also have a strong desire to be in a lesbian relationship (in a rather cissexist definition of the term) (1/2)

(2/2) even though I’m not a girl. So I was wondering - is there a word for this? Because it’s made harder by the fact that I don’t really know what non-binary people feel psychologically, because you can never know how someone really feels, so I can never be sure if that’s what this actually is. And when I said “dysphoria” back there, it’s not that I feel my genitals don’t always match my gender, it’s that I don’t have the ones I would like, as it were. I’m asking really because I’m (2/3)

(3/3, sorry, I wasn’t expecting this to go into two asks) the sort of person who likes to have labels, and I want to know if the sort of situation I have if something that makes me non-binary, and is something other non-binary people have. Thanks :)

(4/4, I guess) Sorry, same anon here! I just wanted to add that I’m AMAB, and also I didn’t mention how I sometimes refer to myself as a girl without realising it, like when I said, “Imagine if I was the only girl in my flat”, and then sometimes I see myself as completely separate from both the girls and the guys in my flat, but then that might just be because I’m antisocial :P And recently I dreamt that I was a cis girl, and when I woke up it took me a few minutes for my gender to ‘revert’.

Anon, you’re trans. Welcome to the club.

I’ve been saying (and feeling) this a lot lately, but: gender is complicated. Your self-image is clearly not cis, from what you’ve said! Your experience and concept of gender as it relates to you is inconsistent and complex and varied. That’s okay, and I don’t know that I can suggest a particular word that’s everything you are (just like I personally don’t like to describe my sexuality at all if possible, because that’s way too wrapped up in other stuff for me), but know that it’s not an experience that you’re entirely alone in anyway.

That’s half of what labels are good for, isn’t it? Helping us find communities and empathy and support. You have it here, whether or not you find a word you want to attach to yourself.

I suggest you start with “trans”. You are, to me, pretty definitely trans. I don’t know where conscious exploration of your gender will lead you from here, or what you’ll find that you’re comfortable with (in the way you dress, in how you feel and interact with people, in what words you use and want used for you) as time goes by, but I do know that self-awareness can’t help but be useful, if a bit terrifying, and that seems like a journey you’ve already started on, thinking about yourself and how you relate to gender.

This is probably not a very useful answer, I’m sorry! It’s all I can really give you right now. If there’s anything more specific you’d like to share or ask about, please do. Best of luck on your journey!

-Key

kookerus-speaks asked: Hi! I was wondering if you could help me with a problem I have. for a while now I have felt fluid in my gender and my expression, but recently I have started to feel uncomfortable in my body. I still feel fluid in my gender, but almost always like i should be in a female body. Is there anything you might now about this?

That’s a thing that can happen! 

I’m probably the worst person to give advice on this right now, because it’s happening to me (god, I’m having so much trouble with dysphoria-related stuff interacting with my general mental illnesses), but all I can say is this: gender is big and complicated, and the way we relate to and with our bodies is big and complicated, and sometimes that just changes and all we can do is hang on for the ride.

I’m writing an email to my psych now enquiring about testosterone; if you’re feeling as certain as I am, you may want to take similar steps. If not, y’know, it sucks, but riding it out for a little bit to see what happens is probably your best bet.

You’re not alone! Gender is weird! Hang in there!

-Key