We are Genderfluid!

Anonymous asked: I feel like you only really talk about people who go between feeling female and male. As one of the many who does not fall into that catagory, I feel quite...exluded? from this blog. Just a thought.

I’m surprised to read this. I am sure that I myself, at least, have often mentioned that genderfluidity is between any two or more genders, and in fact at least two moderators do not include both male and female. I don’t want to be sassy to you, but if you read more you may notice these statements.

However, most of what we post is from readers. If they are shifting between male and female, well, that’s clearly out of our control. 

Anonymous asked: My gender is getting less and less fluid. I haven't changed in about four months, and that's only between male and masculine androgynous. I haven't been female since the summer. I'm scared that I'm losing my girl side, which i really really do not want to happen.

I’m sorry to hear about this distressing situation. It’s scary when our conscious and subconscious minds (If I can so describe this disparity) are in conflict, with one side moving away from one gender against our conscious will. I have never heard of anyone being able to control their genderfluidity willfully, though (presentation is a separate matter).

Anybody have any insights, or similar experiences?

Anonymous asked: Just thought I would share a recent discovery, on days where I feel a little more male (im faab) I wear stretchy exercise shorts as underwear and they don't have the weird bagginess of briefs in the crotch area, but look and feel like them.

Anonymous asked: I just found this blog and so I'm kind of nervous about asking anything with my name on it. However, I kind of have a problem; I feel genderfluid and have brought it up with a friend of mine a few times, but since I'm biologically female he kind of shrugs off what I say at times and even says that a female crossdressing isn't that big of a deal as a male crossdressing. (And yes, he referred to that in those terms.) How do I respond to this? Even thinking now about it, I'm still in shock.

It’s true that there’s more of taboo about guys wearing what are viewed as “women’s” clothes than vice versa. It sucks but it’s a social fact. That doesn’t mean you can’t do as you like. 

Dress as you feel suits you, and your situation. That might depend on who you’re with as well as your gender feeling; it’s not always a ripe time to change your appearance among mixed company! Don’t be rash, but try to make yourself happy. There’s the technique of changing underclothes while wearing “cis” outer garments, that can help, for example.

Whatever you wear will not have a direct relation to how your gender feelings go. Your wearing girl clothes will not ‘make you’ a girl on that day; nor will wearing ‘boy clothes’ make you any more of a boy. It’s just a psychological thing I guess, it helps your inner harmony. 

I’m not entirely sure what shocked you, or just how the crossdressing line relates to your gender feelings, to be honest. Perhaps your friend equates genderfluidity with changes in gender expression. If so, your friend is laboring under a traditional misconception. It’s not your duty to educate the friend, but still, nobody else is likely to take up the mic here as it’s a private conversation and you have a good opportunity to clear up the confusion and maybe gain a supporter who can help you when you feel bad about gender situations.

Hugs

Flavia

snarky-tart asked: To the lovely anon asking about binders. I got mine from an online store called 'Underworks' they're pretty in-expensive too!

Anonymous asked: /I was literally talking about chromosomes and latin definitions how the hell was that ambiguous please tell me? Because by the very syntax I used - and I was quite clear - I was referring VERY obviously to someone who does not have genitalia from either XX or XY sex combinations and is therefore asexual in that they have no genitalia traits. I was CLEARLY NOT TALKING ABOUT THE SEXUALITY/

I’m sorry.

Your context was clear, yes. However, the word asexuality is not, to my knowledge, used in that way, and you seemed to think that you were in fact bringing in the word as if that was what it normally meant.

Apologies. Sincerely.

But as to our knowing that you’re dating an asexual, that was of course not something we were privy to.

Flavia

——

Key adding on the reply I was typing here:

That’s… not a thing… though? Correct me if I’m wrong, but people have to have at least one sex chromosome (and also, even in biology ‘asexual’ refers either to asexual reproduction or to the sexuality as far as I know)

Also, quite frankly, I wouldn’t have published your ask either because of how incredibly dismissive it is of intersex people.

Long story short. Chromosomes are not the be all and end all of sexual dimorphism - hormones have a lot to do with that and e.g. androgen insensitivity can create an appearance quite unlike the sex chromosomal makeup of the person would indicate; further, each individual has a varying level of said sexual dimorphism (some women have large clits; where is the line drawn for “okay that’s almost a phallus”? It’s different in different places; eventually one has to acknowledge that even in sex, while the great majority of people are easy to fit into a binary, between that there is a very clear continuum). Also, here’s a Wikipedia category for you: Sex chromosome aneuploidies.

I’ll write up a proper post about this at some point, but not today.

-Key

Anonymous asked: I don't understand why people need to debate over what silly words mean. Why can't we all just date who we want to date, have sex with who we want to have sex with, and only worry about labels when it comes to finding out if the person you have you eye on is attracted to your gender?Even then... And if you so badly need a label, pick one that best suits you. They're just words, that at some point, were made up... they have no real meaning, imo. I just don't get this at all.

Thank you for writing to add to the discussion.

Anonymous asked: in regards to the bi vs pan discussion, I think that by being bisexual only covers the two "norm" genders, male and female. However, pansexuality covers having no sort of attraction to anyone of a specific gender. I don't think that bisexuality is anything like pansexuality.

Thank you for sharing your definitions with us.

Anonymous asked: All these pan people are "standing up for their pan peers" by trying to define bisexuality. PAN PEOPLE YOU DON'T GET TO DEFINE BISEXUALITY. And unless you are also nonbinary, I don't really like you telling me how my own sexuality excludes me, apparently. With all due respect, shut up already.

Thank you for voicing your feelings.

bijou-kitten asked: I find fighting between bi and pan communities pathetic. Both are valid, they are different identities and they both matter. My girlfriend is bisexual whilst I'm pansexual and we've never understood why people pull this in fighting crap. Also I would like to say in response to that last ask that not all pans say they're pan to be or look better. I'm pan because that's how my sexuality is, that's pretty much it. I promise some of us are nice, not elitist and not trying to invalidate bi people.

Merci.

Anonymous asked: In regards to the bi vs. pan thing, it sounds like the person writing it probably identified as pansexual, and pansexual people don't get to define bisexuality! Also, in my personal experience, a LARGE segment of the pansexual community purposefully shits all over bi people, misgenders binary trans* people saying "trans*" is a separate gender, & erases and SEVERELY misrepresents nonbinary people; they at like they're doing us a favor including us in their attraction and then try to speak for us.

Thank you for writing.

Anonymous asked: Woah woah woah I must blatantly disagree with that bi vs. pan anon and stand up for my pansexual peers right now. Bisexuality encompasses attraction to both male and female genders. There are simply more than just male/female genders in this day and age. In my opinion, and in my experience, a bisexual person may have a problem dating/romancing a genderfluid/trans/queer individual because they do not subscribe to one gender (male/female). Pansexual people do NOT use the label "pansexual" to glam

Thank you for sharing your views.
I would say that at least there exist pansexuals, including myself, who do not use the label for purposes of glamorizing themselves or otherwise to appear to be special at all; they may instead simply feel that the word suits them and describes their patterns of sexual attraction.

On the other hand, I have heard enough statements from people to the effect that some people do feel that the term Pansexual has a mystique about it, and choose that term because it seems to create an impression. I have heard this enough times to make me feel quite sure in stating that there are NO pans who have this motivation.

I do not know anyone like that, but then nobody I know in real life ever talks about their sexuality; that boat has sailed, for me, I think.

Flavia