Showing posts tagged askbox

Anonymous said: Ive always identifed as female - born & raised. I know I'm bisexual tho because I'm attracted to both genders, but it feels deeper than that. Sometimes I feel like I could be a guy or a girl. I'm not sure if it's because I'm bi or not. Any idea why?

Well, as far as I know being bisexual has little or nothing to do with identifying as a guy and a girl.  So it’s probably not because of that.  But it’s possible that for you your sexuality and gender are interlinked—some people’s are and some aren’t.  

What you’re describing is generally a gender thing and not a sexuality thing.  So it would theoretically make you some sort of non-cis-type-person, and is not solely due to your bisexuality, even if it’s related.  I can’t be anymore specific that that, I’m afraid.

-Riam

flyfastlivefree said: Hi! I just wanted to say that I love this blog so much! I have a question about approaching someone new and asking which pronouns they prefer? I was at my lgbt group and someone asked another person (very androgynous in appearance, gender neutral name) in the group "hey, what's your pronoun?" She responded coldly and seemed offended as she rudely said "she". Is there a better way to ask this? I don't want to offend anyone and I'm not sure what was so upsetting about it :/

How about at the beginning of every group you go around the circle and have everyone give their name and pronoun?  That way no one feels singled out.  

The reasons I can think of that somebody might be upset by such a question are 1) they’re cis and have internalized transphobic/transmisogynist/cissexist ideas (perhaps they feel you’re implying they’re not properly embodying their gender? or not sufficiently masculine/feminine? or that they’re a trans person and they think of that as a bad thing?) 2) they’re trans and are upset that they apparently didn’t “pass”/you didn’t automatically guess the gender they’re attempting to present as.  There are probably other possible reasons.  

But it’s definitely better to ask than to just assume, because the second will do much, much more harm.  I think your best option is probably to give everybody an opportunity to state their pronouns, so that nobody feels singled out in whatever negative way, and also so you don’t inadvertently misgender someone whose gender you wrongly assume because of their appearance or presentation.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Can you tell me what the colors of the genderfluid flag represent?

Well, I didn’t make it, but my guess would be: pink represents girl, blue represents boy, purple represents both/in between, white represents no gender, black represents genders that don’t have to do with male or female.  So the idea would be genderfluid people shift between genders like those.  If anyone knows better, do tell.

-Riam

Anonymous said: So I've been researching genderfluidity a bit and while it seems to fit me there's one part that confuses me: gender-selfs(ves?), your masculine self versus your feminine self. Do you need to have different selfs to be genderfluid or can you just always present as feminine an be uncomfortable some of the time?

You do not have to have different selves.  You do not need to change your presentation.  You just need to sometimes identify as one gender and sometimes identify as another gender.  Hope that helps.

-RIam

Anonymous said: Hi there! I'm Jay/Jaye (depending on wether I'm feeling male or female) and do you have any idea on how I could explain to my teachers that no I am not "young lady" today or I'm sorry today I'm "young man" when they always seem to say that "no you have to chose one gender,right now, choose"that's not the exact quote but it's what they tend to imply (most of them have been really accepting, that gym teacher though...)

Maybe you could ask them to avoid using gendered phrases like that for you entirely?  Or you could go up to them before class and let them know which you’d like them to use that day, or wear some sort accessory or badge that would let them know.  If they’re unwilling to even try to avoid misgendering you, though, I don’t know what you could do…you could try setting aside some time to explain why it’s important to you and what it all means, or send them an email, but how effective that would be depends on the person.

-Riam

Anonymous said: I know binding while working out is bad, but is binding while weight lifting bad?

Well, that still counts as working out, so probably the same rules apply.  I think the issue has something to do with the expansion of your chest being restricted when combined with the heavier breathing caused by exercise.  it’s probably more about how much you exercise, not what type of exercise you’re doing.  the severity of the problem will vary.  to be honest, when i wore a binder i still bound while exercising, and I never had a problem.  i don’t want to encourage anyone to do anything that might be detrimental to their health though.  i’m not a doctor, i really don’t know how bad the risks are, but it’s a personal choice, weighing what the pros and cons are and how important they are to you.  whether weight lifting is more or less bad just probably has to do with how much it affects your breathing, plus range of motion, issues with ribs or back.

-Riam

Anonymous said: i have a question! ive been using male pronouns since last year, and they feel comfortable to me, but sometimes i dont feel male. if im in an unfamiliar place or around many other male friends, i feel more male (which comes with a bad feeling since i havent been able to come out in real life.) but when im in a familiar place or around female friends, i feel fine with my given name and female pronouns; i dont even feel like it's a compromise, i prefer it. what does this mean?

Sounds like you’re sort of situation-dependent genderfluid, and that you’ve figured out what works for you, or what will if you come out.  Good luck with everything.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Hey I'm gender fluid and I'd like to try binding on my masculine days but I'm worried because some ppl say it wrecks breast tissue and I don't want that on my feminine days. Is it true??? I'm nervous to try...

It does thin breast tissue, but that’s over a period of years.  Nothing bad would happen if you just wanted to try it a few times.  I believe it also depends on how long you wear it per day, and maybe also the tightness?

So:

-short term you’re not going to have a problem.  if you want to try, go for it, your chest won’t suddenly deflate.

-long term, it does make some changes.  you basically have to decide whether or not it’s worth it to you.  the changes probably wouldn’t be too dramatic, or not in the span of a couple years anyway (it varies by person), but it does thin the tissue.  I can’t make that decision for you.

-Riam

dracolegend said: Just sharing: I've been wanting boxers for a while, and today my mom bought me some. I'm so happy!

Yayyyy!

Flavia

proteg0 said: I've been questioning my gender for months now and I think I'm genderfluid or genderqueer or nonbinary or something. I'm dfab and experience very little dysphoria. I have days where I feel very femme, but I don't always feel female and femme. Does that make sense? I'm pansexual, but lately I've been leaning male, but it's been feeling more like I'm a gay boy who's feminine than I'm just a boring old straight girl. Can I be a feminine boy and where do I go from here?

That’s entirely possible!  Where you go from here is completely up to you.  Maybe you want to socially transition to male.  Maybe you’d rather be socially nonbinary.  Maybe you don’t want to come out.  Maybe you want to access medical transition.  Maybe you want to go on hormones, or have some sort of surgery, or neither, or both.  Maybe you want to present in a feminine matter, or maybe you’d prefer only to do that when people read you as male, or something else.  It’s all up to you!  Anyway, what you feel is valid—whether you’re a binary trans femme boy, or a femme nonbinary boy, or a femme genderfluid person, or whatever else—and don’t feel your options in who to be are limited by your asab, or femme-ness, or potential nonbinary-ness or fluidity or anything else.

-Riam

Anonymous said: Is it common to have a hard time adjusting when you first ask people to call you by the name you choose? Because I asked my best friend that a few days ago--she took it well and obliged, but it feels kind of... wrong, like I made a mistake. I really do like the name I chose, it's common and the image I get when I think of it is, well, a male me. But I'm not male, not quite yet, I don't have my binders yet and I still have long hair. Is that why? I'm just really worried about this.

That’s very common, don’t worry. It’ll probably take a week or two at least before you feel like that name is really “you.”  I doubt your hair or binding status has anything to do with it, though I suppose it could.

-Riam