Hello, I’m a FAAB genderfluid of 22 years old and pansexual. Most of the time I feel female, but there are lots of days where I feel male or even something entirely else that I cannot put my finger on. I still use female pronouns but I honestly don’t care which pronoun people use for me (sometimes I wish people would use male pronouns for me more often, but it doesn’t bother me enough to actually ask people to do it).
This confusion with my own identity has been tough for me in my teenage years, especially because I felt that I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because I thought no one would understand. Even in my own eyes it was just too weird and I was sure that there must be something wrong with me.
Nowadays though I feel much better about that part of myself and my studies helped a lot in that, I think. I study philosophy and especially the course philosophical anthropology has been great. Books like ‘Delusions of Gender’ by Cordelia Fine and ‘The Essential Difference’ by Simon Baron-Cohen have been especially helpful and interesting. It made me realise that many people hold different views on sex, gender and sexuality and that it’s okay to come to your own conclusions on the matter. I currently regard gender as a construct of society and because I am part of that society I naturally wish to fit in, but when types of behaviour or personality are classified by society as belonging to a different gender one can feel confused and even experience disphoria.
This view has helped me accept that, yes, I don’t fit into a neat little box and many other people don’t either and that’s fine. It’s incredibly interesting even. Nevertheless it is comforting to see so many people in situations much like mine, so I’m very grateful for you to have created this blog where we can all connect and discuss things. Thank you.