synapsis-soup asked: Hi there! I identify as a lesbian girl and I've never had problems with my assigned sex and sexual orientation. I'm getting more and more interested in reading information and raising awareness about non-binary minorities but I have some doubts. The 'girl' I love is starting to reject the gender binary - would it be disrespectful if I still identified as gay? Like I wanted to consider her a female when she doesn't think she is? I'm just wondering if another term suits my sexual orientation best?
That depends on your partner (if you’re dating them - I’m not clear on whether you’re just attracted to them or involved with them)!
A lot of people these days define lesbian as “any non-man who is exclusively attracted to non-men”, or something similar which is less exclusive than “women exclusively attracted to women”. (There’s a lot of gender politics and queer theory and feminist theory behind the discussion on redefining the word lesbian, and I haven’t done enough reading on it to conclusively recommend something, but if anyone else has suggestions I’d be happy to put together a reading list.) A lot of other people don’t really think about definitions, just that they know that lesbian is what they or their partner are, and that everyone involved is okay with it, and that’s fine too!
Long story short, modern sexual orientations are… kinda weird. There are people who are only attracted to men with vaginas! There are people who are attracted to everyone except cis women! There’s a lot of complicated things involved, and all the people who suddenly find themselves caught on the fringe because they’ve found themselves attracted to somebody who doesn’t fit within these neat boxes have decided for themselves (and perhaps in consultation with their partners; I’ve known people to break up because someone’s decided their identity is that important to them, and that’s okay too if that’s what you guys decide) what exactly they want to call themselves, and whatever conclusion you come to is fine.