Showing posts tagged sexuality

Anonymous asked: Woah woah woah I must blatantly disagree with that bi vs. pan anon and stand up for my pansexual peers right now. Bisexuality encompasses attraction to both male and female genders. There are simply more than just male/female genders in this day and age. In my opinion, and in my experience, a bisexual person may have a problem dating/romancing a genderfluid/trans/queer individual because they do not subscribe to one gender (male/female). Pansexual people do NOT use the label "pansexual" to glam

Thank you for sharing your views.
I would say that at least there exist pansexuals, including myself, who do not use the label for purposes of glamorizing themselves or otherwise to appear to be special at all; they may instead simply feel that the word suits them and describes their patterns of sexual attraction.

On the other hand, I have heard enough statements from people to the effect that some people do feel that the term Pansexual has a mystique about it, and choose that term because it seems to create an impression. I have heard this enough times to make me feel quite sure in stating that there are NO pans who have this motivation.

I do not know anyone like that, but then nobody I know in real life ever talks about their sexuality; that boat has sailed, for me, I think.

Flavia

Anonymous asked: cont.: So to me it's not about bisexuality or pansexuality being "better", just that bisexuality defines as being attracted to several genders and pansexuality defines as being attracted to people *regardless* of gender, with both sexualities being perfectly valid. If that makes sense.

We do not seem to have received the other part of your missive, but what we do have makes sense in its own right.

Thank you for writing. Of course it doesn’t make a lot of sense to consider something that is just a sense of attraction better than another thing that is just the same. We are not able to choose whom we’re attracted to, as far as I understand; certainly I cannot. It’s like a talent, or a taste in food; nobody would say that X is better than B simply because A likes rutabagas and B likes beets.

anenormousschwanzstucker replied to your post: Bisexual and pansexual are really not that different in the eyes of a bisexual. The difference is mostly on the pansexual side. Most (not all) pansexuals I have met use the term because it makes them look better. The majority of bisexuals I know have always defined bi as an attraction to all genders. It is the pans that take Bisexual and try to redefine who we are so that they can say We are pan so we are better then bi! I have met very few pansexuals who have NOT done this, sad to say.

Maybe pansexual people do that because they’re aware that bisexual is kinda exclusionary and offensive, and they’re willing to let go of a binarist term rather than twisting it around to pretend it means something else. If bisexual meant attracted to my gender and all other genders, then for that to make sense heterosexual would have to mean attracted to all genders except my own. Which it doesn’t. Look, I’m usually nicer than this, but I’m really sick of people using terms that explicitly exclude me and then turning around and saying it’s all my fault for interpreting it wrong. I’m not saying you can’t call yourself bisexual (though if you’re attracted to all genders why you would be purposefully exclusionary is beyond me) but don’t then get mad at people for interpreting the word as what it means and passing judgement on you accordingly. Sure, word meanings change, but this is more analogous to calling yourself sexist and then saying it means you believe in sex, and then saying other people who believe in sex but don’t use that term are trying to make themselves look better than you. (not that bisexuality is the same as sexism, it’s not inherently a prejudice, you could just be attracted to 2 genders.)

love, your friendly neighborhood nonbinary

Anonymous asked: Hi! I'm 20 years old and I identify as a lesbian. I'm in a relationship for 2 years now. When i started to seen my girlfriend i thought i was bisexual. Lately, i came a cross with some girls who used to identify as lesbians and now are dating boys. For some reason these histories make insecure about myself and make me wonder if i'm really a lesbian. But being bi it's so hard, i feel i wont be able to be with one person in peace, i will always wondering about the other gender(sorry for my english

Hi!

Firstly, your English is perfectly fine. I understood you with no difficulty at all. 

As for your sexuality. I used to identify as straight, then I decided I was bisexual, then pansexual, then started wondering again if I wasn’t maybe really just straight. I’ve finally settled on “queer”. 

But my point is, maybe you are truly bisexual but I don’t think there is such a thing as one true sexuality for a person for all time. I’m doing a history of sexuality course now, and it’s quite clear that people sleep with different people at different times, or find different people attractive as time passes. In the past, often people worried less about it. They didn’t think about labels at all. And sometimes I feel like all our identity stuff, the way our society is so obsessed with wanting to know exactly who or what we are, I think that’s harmful to many people.

You are just you. If one day you find yourself attracted to men, then you’re attracted to men. If one day you are no longer attracted to women, then that as well. It’s just you, and you don’t need to feel bad about being you.

And if you’re like me and you are just attracted to many different people, don’t worry about it! I think being able to be with one person peacefully isn’t something that bisexual or pansexual people have more trouble with. Think about it this way: even straight people don’t stop finding other men or women apart from their partners attractive once they get married. They just choose not to get involved. I think bisexual people get a really awful reputation for not being able to be monogamous, and I know plenty of bisexual people who are monogamous and successfully so.

That said, there are also people like myself and my partners who have chosen not to be with just one person. If eventually you find that you need more than one person to meet your needs, then maybe you can talk with your partner about an open relationship? Do some reading together on polyamory or something, if you find eventually that that is what you need. But don’t feel like you have to let society’s ideas of what a good lesbian or a good person or a real bisexual or whatever should be, don’t let those influence you.

You are you, and you’re a unique person with a unique experience of the world. Do what works for you!

(If you need to talk - if anyone needs to talk, about sexuality or religion or awful parents or mental health or anything at all, my askbox is always open. I love all you guys.)

-Key

To all of the bisexuals who identify as bi even though you’ve never had same-sex or non-binary experience

absquesetentia:

This post is for you, you brave people.

I never had the courage to embrace my sexuality until I got a girlfriend. I really regret this now, the years of internalized biphobia that made me deny myself.

So here’s to you. Keep on keeping on. And if anyone messes with you, I’ll happily take them on.

(Source: tearingdownthatfence)

(Reblogged from curseisfoiledagain)

Anonymous asked: how does one figure out their sexuality if they're afraid of trying with the opposite gender?

Actually, most working definitions of sexuality hinge upon attraction, not upon actual sexual acts. So if it’s a turn on for you, that’s enough! However, of course, you may want more than just attraction. Just take it easy, there’s no hurry, and when it feels right, you can give affection a try, maybe, and see what it leads to. I hope you learn and experience all you wish you could!

Anna

Same goes for gender…just experience it and if you want a label there are plenty to choose from! And as a public service message, I repeat that sexuality, body type, and gender are all totally separate things! View high resolution

Same goes for gender…just experience it and if you want a label there are plenty to choose from!

And as a public service message, I repeat that sexuality, body type, and gender are all totally separate things!

(Reblogged from eugene-galini)

Anonymous asked: Okay so I'm really confused about my sexuality and It's start to make me pretty upset. I feel like I don't know who I am. I am a woman and in a relationship with a man, but I always feel like I want to be in a relationship with a woman. I don't find very many men attractive but their are some. and I'm not really sexually attracted to either sex, I never think about it or crave it. What do you think my sexuality is?

Here’s a lot of questions, but they’re all relevant: I can’t tell you what your sexuality is, because I’m not you. But I can show you how the sexuality thing mostly works, and we can work it out from there.

  • You don’t find many men attractive. What about women? Is this a sexual attraction, a “yeah I’d have sex with them”, or an aesthetic one - “oh wow they are gorgeous”?
  • You don’t think about it or crave it - I’ll assume the “it” there is sex. What are your limits there, or what would they be in an ideal world (please, if you realize these are different to your current practice, enforce your limits from here onward)? Is it “I don’t really think about it but it’s good”, “I don’t mind, kinda”, or “Yeah, not desirable at all”, somewhere along that scale?
  • In terms of relationships, is your desire for a relationship with a woman stemming from a romantic desire for particular women? Is it a preference for women over men in general? Is it curiosity? 

So there’s sort of three “spectrums” involved in the various things you’ve mentioned.

The first is gender-related sexuality. That’s who you’re sexually attracted to: the same gender (homosexual)? The opposite (heterosexual)? Both (bisexual) or is your field open to all people, including genderqueer persons, regardless of gender (pansexual)? 

Secondly, what kind of sexual attraction do you even have to people? Is your attraction to people purely aesthetic, with no sexual attraction at all (asexual)? Is there some, but only to people you already have a romantic bond with (demisexual)? Are you perhaps gray-asexual? Of course, if you’re asexual, the gender-related questions and labels don’t apply.

Finally, about relationships, completely separate from sex. Are you romantically attracted to the same gender (homoromantic), the opposite (heteroromantic), and, well, etc? Are you aromantic, completely devoid of interest in romantic relationships? 

Put the three together. I hope the questions I’ve asked in the bullet points have helped you fine-tune what you feel, and made it easier to identify what you are. We’re not really a sexuality blog, but I’ve done my best! (Personally, the closest I’ve found is panromantic demisexual, but “queer” works fine for me. It’s something you might like to try on for size: queer is, to me, simply “not straight”, but also involves a certain difference of thought and life it’s hard to quantify.)

-Key

Anonymous asked: i dont know what to "classify" myself as really? as far as i can tell, my gender is ????? i feel masculine some days but feminine others, and some days i dont feel anything specific at all. i was born a girl, but it doesnt feel right all the time, nor does coming out as ftm. im also really confused about my sexuality bc i feel pansexual but im not super attracted to people but i like them? and want to make them happy and i just don't understand??? but im not poly? i have no desire to be (1/2)

to be poly at all, im really happy with my SO and i just??? am very very confused and any advice or help you could give would be rly great u_u im sorry that this was really long and wasn’t 100% on topic D: (2/2)

Hi anon!

You don’t have to classify yourself. That said, you do sound like your gender is some sort of fluid. Maybe the label of “genderfluid” will help? If you don’t think it will, feel free to stay unlabeled.

As for sexuality: are you sexually attracted to all genders? If so, you are pansexual, if not you are not. If you’re romantically attracted, that’s panromantic; if you just really really really like people and want to make them happy and give them hugs and make sure everything’s okay, but not in a dating way, that’s something else altogether (a sort of compassion, I guess, that a lot of people, especially those on the autism spectrum that I’ve seen, seem to have). That’s really all there is to it!

Finally, polyamory: it’s not for everyone. I was introduced to it very young, and knew instantly that was right for me: I’ve never had issues with jealousy, which I’m ridiculously grateful for, since my issues would make that worse. But I know plenty of people with a heart for people, or who are sexually attracted to lots of people, who are in happy monogamous relationships! Neither of those things should prevent one from staying in one. You know yourself best.

Don’t apologize for asking, or for the way you asked. We’re here to try our best to help people, and you don’t matter any less than anyone else.

I hope things work out. Let us know if you have an epiphany!

-Key

I just wanted to make a general response to lots of asks that specify sexual attraction types and then ask if I think they’re genderfluid.

Genderfluidity and sexuality/romantic inclinations are not related to one another, so telling me about who turns you on will not have any impact on whether or not you are genderfluid.

You may be pansexual or bisexual or just sexually fluid, though; it’s another topic and we suggest that you would be better off asking someone else as to your sexual self-identification, though we don’t mind your sharing with us.

It’s just not what we’re here for, that’s all!

13views asked genderfluidity:

2012-08-22 16:08 

Like many of us, I’m having problems with my gender identity. What I would really want more than anything is a button that I can press to completely change my sex. On one hand I like being a boy, I’m proud of my beard and like my penis. On the other hand, I really want to be, and envy, a woman and everything that includes. I don’t know where that leaves me. Also I feel like my arousal of thinking of me as a woman subtracts from the realness of my identity as a female. If that makes any sense?

Gender is an inner reality, not an external one; you and you alone can determine your gender, and people who have respect will just take your word for it. I can imagine your feelings regarding arousal and the subtraction you mention, but all I can say is that your feelings are what determine your reality here, so if you think it takes away from your femininity, then you’re right, for yourself at least, though sexuality and gender are separate issues. I’m not sure what else I can tell you, but as always comments and suggestions are welcome!

Hermie

Anonymous asked: Don't know if anyone else is like this, but I'm also pansexual/bi in addition to being genderfluid. I find that my preference in gender changes with my own: on my more feminine days I have more of a preference in women, on my more masculine days I have more of a preference in men, through I'm never 100% on one side or the other. (if that makes sense)

That’s what I’m like, and lots of us feel that way :) On my female days I’m more attracted to women, on my femme-male days I’m very much a gay man, and I’m always attracted to non-binaries.

-Key