Showing posts tagged sexuality

Anonymous said: I discovered a new word that you may be interested in. "Skoliosexual" is attraction to those who do not identify as cisgender, primarily to non-binary and genderqueer.


The word origin is a little bit unflattering, but I’ve heard of this word and if there were another word that were equivalent but not so unpleasant in its background it would be one I would use for myself often. 

Anyone got any alternative terms?



(Reblogged from gallopingtormaunt)

Anonymous said: Hi! Love the blog! (Sorry if you get a duplicate of this message- I didn't think it sent the first time.) I'm CAFAB genderfluid panromantic gray asexual (it's a mouthful~), and I rarely think about/desire sex, but when I do, I only imagine it from a male perspective, with a male partner (not just with a cis male), even if I'm not male that day outside of the fantasy. Does anyone else experience something like this? Does your sexuality change with your gender or is it static?

I have no real way of separating my sexuality, personally, from my trauma, but: without going into painful detail, I suppose I’m technically somewhere on the ace spectrum, and when I think about consensual sex, I’m usually male in those thoughts (if not in body, then in mind), much the same as you are.

There’s a lot of us for whom sexuality isn’t static if gender isn’t, though! Plenty of experiences of diversity. 



Anonymous said: Um hi, I kinda have a question about labeling my sexuality! I´m genderfluid, but I lean mostly towards female identification and am only really attracted to girls. Would it be wrong for me label my sexuality as lesbian, seeing as I´m male bodied?


There’s plenty of trans women who are lesbians, for starters, so your anatomy doesn’t restrict you (it would be transphobic if it did)!

That said, identifying as lesbian also isn’t restricted to only women, cis or trans, who are solely attracted to women: there’s non-binary gynesexual people who identify as lesbian, there’s women dating non-binary people who identify as lesbian, there’s couples where both parties are non-binary or DMAB who identify as lesbian and describe their relationship as a lesbian relationship. 


synapsis-soup said: Hi there! I identify as a lesbian girl and I've never had problems with my assigned sex and sexual orientation. I'm getting more and more interested in reading information and raising awareness about non-binary minorities but I have some doubts. The 'girl' I love is starting to reject the gender binary - would it be disrespectful if I still identified as gay? Like I wanted to consider her a female when she doesn't think she is? I'm just wondering if another term suits my sexual orientation best?


That depends on your partner (if you’re dating them - I’m not clear on whether you’re just attracted to them or involved with them)!

A lot of people these days define lesbian as “any non-man who is exclusively attracted to non-men”, or something similar which is less exclusive than “women exclusively attracted to women”. (There’s a lot of gender politics and queer theory and feminist theory behind the discussion on redefining the word lesbian, and I haven’t done enough reading on it to conclusively recommend something, but if anyone else has suggestions I’d be happy to put together a reading list.) A lot of other people don’t really think about definitions, just that they know that lesbian is what they or their partner are, and that everyone involved is okay with it, and that’s fine too!

Long story short, modern sexual orientations are… kinda weird. There are people who are only attracted to men with vaginas! There are people who are attracted to everyone except cis women! There’s a lot of complicated things involved, and all the people who suddenly find themselves caught on the fringe because they’ve found themselves attracted to somebody who doesn’t fit within these neat boxes have decided for themselves (and perhaps in consultation with their partners; I’ve known people to break up because someone’s decided their identity is that important to them, and that’s okay too if that’s what you guys decide) what exactly they want to call themselves, and whatever conclusion you come to is fine.


sapphiresiren said: That's a good question, actually. If you like men all the time, let's say, and you're genderfluid, does that mean your sexuality will shift from heterosexual to homosexual? I guess sexual fluidity covers that. It's difficult when sexuality terms are dependent on gender. Saying you're heterosexual/homosexual implies you are a certain, fixed gender. I wish it was more neutral like malesexual or femalesexual. Pansexual and asexual/demisexual has no problems with this, thankfully.

You’re right about that. People who are genderfluid and always attracted to a certain gender tend to use “androphilic” or “androsexual” for men and “gynophilic” or “gynosexual” for women, for that very reason. Fun fact: defining sexuality by your own gender is a relatively recent thing, and most societies before ours didn’t do it this way!


flyfastlivefree said: Hey, hope all is well! In regards to the Demi sexual thing, I thought that this meant that sometime you feel sexual and sometimes asexual, and that it fluidly changes, kind of like how some people's genders may change. At least, this is how I've used the term to refer to myself as some days I like the idea of sex and some days it scares me, grosses me out, etc. Well maybe that's just normal though and I don't need a term to identify it?

I may be wrong, but in my experience that’s not the common definition of demisexuality. That said: sexuality is complicated as all hell, and I’m basically in the same boat you’re in. I don’t ID as demisexual because I don’t think that’s what I am, but my sexuality is decidedly not normal nevertheless.

Someone had to make up the word genderfluid at some point, y’know? There not being a word for what you are yet doesn’t mean that it’s not a thing.


lockwoodandco said: hmm they way i understood it being demisexual (a type of secondary asexuality/grey sexuality) is only being attracted to people you were already friends with/have an emotional attachment to

That’s also a thing! There’s a spectrum of sexual attraction, so to speak, and there’s demisexual people right toward the “I only have eyes for my wife, like literally” end, and heading in the other direction toward what you’re describing (or right through to attraction to fictional people or people they’ve never met who they nevertheless empathize/feel a bond with via knowing their story).

I tried to make that clear, that the primary thing is that people are sexually attracted if and only if there’s already an emotional bond, but I’m not sure I quite got there; thanks!


Anonymous said: I have a question, and I hope I'm at the right blog who can answer this, but does the term "demisexual" regard any specific sex, or does it regard simply a specific someone, excluding sex and/or gender?

Hi anon!

We’re… not a sexuality blog, but because sexuality so often overlaps with gender, especially when people are trying to work out who they are, I do know a little bit about it.

Demisexuality isn’t either of those two things exactly. It doesn’t mean a specific gender - we have “heteroromantic demisexual” people, or “panromantic demisexual”, and I think you see the pattern. You can be demisexual and be attracted romantically to a specific gender, or to all genders, or something in between!

Demisexuality is sometimes also known as “secondary asexuality”, and it’s basically (correct me if I’m wrong, followers!) a lack of sexual desire without a specific emotional connection. While this often means that demisexual people are only attracted to one particular person, usually their partner, it doesn’t have to - I know demisexual polyamorous people, who have a few people they’re attracted to.

Hope this helps!


Anonymous said: hey i have a question. i don't exactly know what my sexuality would be. i'm genderfluid and i identify as pansexual, but i like guys more than girls and i just don't know.... would it still be considered pansexual or something different?

It doesn’t disqualify you from being pansexual any more than my liking people with body hair more than those who don’t would, anon - everyone has preferences, and being bisexual or pansexual doesn’t mean “oh gosh I like everyone” or “I have to be 50-50” :)


Anonymous said: Is it possible for one to be asexual yet heteroromantic who has no interest in the same sex, but is curious about it at the same time? I always had crushes on guys, and never had any interest in women, so I can't identify myself as a bi, but I find it more of a turnon (not entirely sexually speaking) of the sexual nature of the female, but that's probably because I like the sensual nature the female has, and that the male lacks. I like guys, but I find their sexual nature rather dull. Help! ._.

Long story short, yes.

Sexuality is complicated, y’know? So is non-sexual attraction, and they’re not entirely as untangled from each other as we sometimes like to think they are. 

There’s a lot of questions to be asked here! Are you sexually attracted to womenbut not to men? I’ve known a person who only dates men but only has sex with women! That’s something that exists. Are you not really sexually attracted to anyone at all, but women appeal to you in a different, more aesthetic/mannerism-related way than men do (personality, I guess, if it’s crushes)? Where does your curiosity come from, and is it something you can ever see yourself acting on (kissing a woman? dating a woman? having sex with a woman? crushing on a woman? enjoying a woman’s sexuality from afar? none of the above?)

Sexuality (or the lack thereof) is super complicated! I’m still working out what the hell is up with mine (I don’t enjoy or particularly want sex but I’m turned on by the idea of sex, just for starters), and honestly, I’m happy with ‘queer’ and working it out as I go along.

You’re you, anon! Because you exist, your sexuality is totally possible, whatever it is, whatever you end up identifying as, even if it changes over the course of your life or is something nobody around you really understands! It’s not their business to tell you what’s “real”, anyway.

Best of luck on your journey of discovery though - I know this isn’t particularly helpful, but I hope it’s still of some encouragement.


Anonymous said: So I've been reading up on being genderfluid and this is totally me, and I even told my best friend and she's being so supportive, which is awesome! But first: 1) I'm biologically female, and I only like guys, even when I feel more masculine. Does that make me NOT genderfluid? 2) Although my best friend calls me by a guys name sometimes, I always prefer female pronouns, even when I dress and act like a man. Is that normal? Thank you so much!

  1. If you were a cis man (that is, you were born with an M on your birth certificate and you identify as a man), and you only liked guys, that wouldn’t make you not a man! There is no one set sexuality for any given gender identity. Like who you like, be who you are!
  2. To be honest, I get all these questions from people wondering if they’re normal, and well - realistically, by being genderfluid we’re basically notnormal anyway, and there’s nothing wrong with that. With regard to the specific question, we all have different pronoun preferences, and that’s okay! 

I’ll add a couple of notes, though: if you sometimes identify as a man, then you are a man at those times - not just dressing and acting like one! You’re not playing some sort of pretend. Also, with pronouns, sometimes you grow into and out of them - I started out with no real preference, and now I much prefer ‘they’. It happens, and if it does for you, or anything else changes (sexuality can change over a lifetime as well!), don’t worry; that’s something that happens!


diaryofdionysus said: For the anon that accidentally came out to his parents. Well I "came out" to my parents when I was 10(they found me looking at gay porn.) And for about 6 years I tried to change myself to please them. What you might be going through might be a phase but it is a growing phase. I thought I was gay because that's what my parents called it but as I grew I learned that I am pansexual and I can love anyone regardless of their gender. And truthfully I am proud of you because I am still(1 of 2 messages)

(Cont’d) not strong enough to be so comfortable in my own skin that I can wear clothes that aren’t designated for my gender out of my own house. But I am getting better. And truthfully you are the only person who knows yourself, so take your time and figure it out.Your parents love you and are only doing what they think is best although that might not be healthy for you. Figure yourself out at your own pace. Your parents will understand and if they don’t make your own family. One who cares for you.

Darn right. Thank you very much for sharing.